A
female
age
30-35,
*awii
writes:What to do if you are trapped in a relationship 3Well I meat a guy online on a dating side went on a date etc Hit it off pretty well I asked him about his past relationship to make sure that he is really single, and how long he has been single So he respond with that his last relationship went 8 years but the both decided to end up things as they where no more happy. I thought ok and told him that I am not looking forward to be in 8 years relationship with someone which end s up like this How ever things did went really good form for that point I told him I want something serious and real and if I tell you that I had the perfect relationship and boyfriend you won’t believe me form the first time I let go of my fear I opened op to him about my pass and my issues that I want to take things slowly he respect that, Because of his job he had to fly after ever 2 weeks to England But things was still going on pretty good we always where communicating with each other, and I would be much happy and really exited to see him so did he he was the first one who told me that he is in love even tho I wasn’t ready yet He stuck around all the time after 3 months I told him that I am starting to really catch feeling s and of what we are having is only a game he should leave but he I stayed cause he loves 4 months in told him that I love him, things went even better etc Long story short 3 weeks ago I finde out that he had a girlfriend back in England and kinds etc my world broke down as it was the first time I feel in love I asked him and he confess it , he told him that he is in love with etc and at the beginning he just was looking for a hang out friend but fell in love with me , Currently he is going to tell her , about me when I asked him ,why he lied he didn’t know the answer he was I wanted to end up things with me he tried but couldn’t cause he is in love Why do men do this, I look like a clown he put me in this situation I am much in love with him still can’t even fight for this as he has kids as well Getting your feelings hurt is better than getting heartbroken don’t know where to go from here as I know the other girlfriend will be hurt and everyone else will hate me for wanting a taken men .Do you guys think we will have a chance?
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affair, fell in love, heartbroken, trapped Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2021): You asked "why do men do this?" He has to have a partner in order to cheat. Before you didn't, but now YOU KNOW he has a girlfriend; yet you're still considering being with him, fully aware that would be cheating. So...why do women do that???
People really get me when they do shady or unethical things; and don't feel they should be judged for it. Why shouldn't you be called-out for dating someone who already has a girlfriend? It's only setting yourself up to get your heart broken.
The outcome is usually the same. You get deeply attached, his other girlfriend starts to pressure him to come back. He'll play the two of you for awhile. Same old story, with the same old predictable ending. He'll choose her, and suddenly you won't hear from him again.
If you ignore the advice we gave you, you'll be back. Don't worry, we won't say we told you so.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2020): Op you wrote on here asking for advice but the truth is you have already made your mind up. He has basically been flitting between you and his established family and very frequently. If you believe he truly loves you, would leave her eventually and be with you to live happily ever after and you think he wouldn't do the same to you what can anyone say to that? This isn't about you not being enough this is about him and his inability to be faithful in a relationship, it's not love for him, he is having his cake and eating it, if it wasn't you it would be someone else.But you have at the moment decided you will see if he comes back to you to tell you he has finished with her, which he no doubt will say he has, except he will still go frequently to see his children, are you sure you will trust him that's the only reason he is going...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2020): Every time you listened to his lies and believed him he doubled the effort to receive you and you believed that things were going better.His very first contact with you was a lie because you believed him to be single!Then you asked about how long he had been single and you believed his next lie about how his last relationship lasted 8 years and how they amicably split up.And again you thought you got closer.There is no point in you trying to defend your feelings.He will always lie to you and that should repulse you a bit.It doesn't mean a person can live more than one person in this life.It means you are not willing to see the truth for what it is.He wanted some sex on the side and hoped you would be willing to provide it.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (29 December 2020):
 I agree with Honeypie & youcannotbeserious. This guy is absolutely no good and you should ditch him.
The first thing is he has betrayed your trust and lied to you. If you continue with him do you think you could trust him. I would say certainly not.
He is a sweet talker, and a liar, and he will sweet talk you into forgiving him. OP you need to be strong enough not to buy it and send him on his way.
You was not with him for very long, think to yourself that you have dodged a bullet. Forgiving him and trying again will not result in a happy ever after.
If he respected and loved you he would have been upfront and honest in the beginning.
OP, you need to ditch him and find someone that gives you the love & respect that you so rightly deserve.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (29 December 2020):
 Do I think you stand a chance? Absolutely 100% not. I say that with total conviction and for one reason: you will never be able to trust him. I say that for one reason also: he has already proved to you beyond any doubt that he is not trustworthy.
You had to do your own detective work and find out he had another life away from you. How could you ever trust him when your whole relationship has been built on a lie? You will always wonder what else he is hiding from you because, let's face it, if he can hide a complete other life, including his own kids, from you, he can hide pretty much anything. What a shame you didn't do your detective work before falling for him; that would have been the sensible thing to do.
You are not "trapped" in this relationship. The cage is in your head. You can open the door and fly off as soon as you wake up to the fact you fell for a liar and a cheat and he is not the man you had hoped he was. You fell in love with the part he acted, not the actual man. If he could cheat on the mother of his children, trust me he will cheat on you in the future as well because that is the nature of the beast. All the things he has been saying to you he will also have said to the mother of his children. Keep that in mind when you feel your resolve weakening.
My mother always used to tell me: you cannot build your happiness on someone else's misery, and this is something I always try to remember if I am ever in a situation where I stand to gain at someone else's expense. What goes round comes round; this never applies more than in the case of a cheater.
Open your cage, feel the sun on your face, take a deep breath and fly off to the rest of your life. You will never find happiness with this man because you will never be 100% sure of him. You deserve better.
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A
female
reader, Tawii +, writes (29 December 2020):
Tawii is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well I get what you are trying to say etc And I know pretty well that he is not the only men on this world Yes your words where a little hard on me , I never will go for a taken men if I know he has family that’s not the kind of person I am .But I pretty believe that you don’t always have only one love in your life ,it’s ok to change your mind,as long as you don’t hurt someone But not saying that is ok to cheat etc.I feel like nowadays ppl are quick to judge , and you can feel a shame weave coming to someone who wants to stay with someone who cheats Or is dating a cheater etc As since I found out he has a girlfriend with whom he has kinds I ended things with him, but when time pass this situations and we both know what we want I will try again if I still want to be with him
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 December 2020):
 Do you guys think we will have a chance?
Nope, I think you should wish him well, break up and cut all contact. NO contract from then on.
He has kids with her, which means he's been with her a LOT longer than you. He has responsibilities towards those kids AND her, financially and otherwise. He has none to you.
He didn't just want to be friends with you. He thought he could play on both sides of the "Pond". If he JUSTED wanted to have a friendship with you he would have been honest about having a GF or wife in the UK. He is full of SHIT.
You can't trust him any further than you can throw him. Seriously, everything you have with him is BUILD on lies, HIS lies.
Break up, lick your wounds. Move on. HE isn't worth it.
Just look at what is is going to be doing to his GF/wife and family in the UK.... What kind of MAN would do that?
I can tell you what kind... The slime-ball kind.
You haven't been in a relationship very long with him, you will get over this fast enough once you take your rosy glasses off and see him for the SKUNK he is.
Chin up, you can do a LOT better than be some sad side-chick...
In case you think I'm too hard on him, heed this... YOU will NEVER be able to trust him after this. If he LIED about having a FAMILY... what else will he lie about? He must think you are dumber than a doornail to think he will leave them for you. And HE is even dumber if he does because what you two COULD have had (had he not lied) might have been something decent. But he chose to lie. And fuck over 2 women. And his OWN kids... What a piece of shit.
Also, yes, people might "hate" you got wanting a taken man because you HAVE choices and he isn't the only man out there. If you CHOOSE to be with a "taken" man, you are not a person with a good moral compass, but a silly selfish side-chick who he will continue to fuck over.
Come on. use a little common sense.
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