A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:so im sitting in a predicament and yes i know its wrong but anyway.Ive been seeing this guy at the office and yes we are both married and one of the reasons that we started the affair is because our marriages aren't what they should be. (im not trying to condone what is happening, like i said i know its wrong)thing is, we dont want anyone to know, but there have been issues (not with us) but issues i am not able to discuss that are making people ask questions.i was confronted about it by my manager and thing is i knew if i lied to her about it and it did come up then it would create an even bigger problem (the issue i mentioned earlier) so i said we were "on and off" friends. but my manager has also asked me not to tell him that she asked the question.How do i deal with this, without it blowing out of proportion and without putting my job at risk, or even just making sure our partners dont find out?Im feeling trapped between my personal life and my career.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2012): Can you see the link between the personal lies in your personal life and now in your career. you are unethical in your personal life: you get by with lies and half truths. You lie by omission. Likewise this is the manner in which you behave in your work situation. Lies. Half truths. Lieing by omission.
I am very astute when it comes to people. I discretly look at how a person conducts his/her personal life and then weigh it up on the work front. I have found that when someone is dishonest in their personal life this does filter into work. I am rarely wrong.
If you have no credibility at work what then do you have. Yes you are f*cking your married work colleague, being married yourself means that you have become devoid of any accountability, moral code, ethics and integrity is lacking. Is this the same at work. Seems like it.
You may have lied to your Manager and told her about your off and on relationship/friendship with the married man but hey you are going to be caught out. You are very cryptic with what is exactly happening at work: it means that you are scared that you are going to get caught out. It also means that you have also gotten your married lover into a wee bit more trouble.
You need to ask yourself whether running around with your married buddy is worth it: look you have already destroyed your marriage. So just get a divorce. You do not reveal your age so I'm not sure how old you are. Now that your marriage is over think about your career. Do you want to destroy this as well. You know how difficult it is to find and keep a job. Unemployment is rife here. So protect your job.
Oh and I'm sure you know the saying: don't sh1t where you eat. This is proving true in your situation. You need to decide whether its your married lover or your job. Very simply put: don't be a bigger bloody fool than you already have been. The fact that Management is questioning you means that something is amiss. If you work in a big organisation there is a possibility of forensics/an investigation to verify your given statement. Your manager is bound to report your conversation.
Sex on the job? Not worth anything compared to a job. Sort out the mess you have made. Having an affair at work is sooooo yesterday compared to your reputation. If you really must cheat then find a lover out of work.
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (29 June 2012):
 Common sense would suggest if your relationship and career and going to clash one or the other has to go.
You know your relationship is wrong, you know that it is no longer secret, you need to decide if your, and his, careers can handle any fall out when your respective partners wake up to what is going on and the brown stuff finally hits the fan.
It sounds like it may not be as simple as chosing between your marriage or your career, you need to go into immediate damage control, and if you get through it, don't go putting yourself in the middle of somebody else's marriage again.
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