A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I dated a man one year and a half ago. At the time I had not dated since my divorce which was ten years at the time. I asked him for coffee and I didn't think it would go anywhere but it lasted six months. We had a lot of fun together and had a lot in common. He had only been divorced one year at the time. We had a few bumps along the way, but nothing major until we hit a mountain. We tried a few times to get intimate, but he ended up with ED. We both didn't react very well to it. I decided to break up with him (I really didn't know how to handle what happened). A week later he begged me to get back together and then totally shut down and after another month broke up with me. I could tell there was a problem early on, but didn't know how to talk about it. At the time his dad was very sick and I chalked it up to stress. We tried a few more times and still nothing. He did admit to me that he didn't feel good about himself (he is very over weight) and that may have been part of the problem. He also told me that he got the impression that was all I wanted, but that is not true and he knows it. We didn't even get that far until we dated around four months. I tried everything to make him feel better and to make up for my reaction. I'm not a man, but can only imagine how he feels. Since our breakup he has since played a lot of games like trying to make me jealous and arrange outings where I am the only one there. We do see each other due to an activity one of my children is in. I know a part of the problem is his lack of communication. His ex was very verbally abusive towards him so he tends to stuff things instead of talking about it. If he would have communicated his problem, things may have turned out differently. My kids didn't know that we had dated at the time and just found out a short time ago. One of them kept bugging me and telling me I should date him. When I told my kids they were not really surprised and one mentioned that he seems different when he is around me. I have even had others that know us ask me if we dated. I guess they can see something there as well. I have met his parents and they know we had dated. His dad doesn't miss a chance to talk to me when I see him. His mother on the other hand give me the evil eye. I have mentioned getting back together to him and he continues to tell me that I'm sweet, but not the one for him. This is while he continues to hug me 2-3 times. I have gone through some stuff lately and he was asking me about it. I suggested lunch if he was interested in finding out what was going on with me. He jumped at the chance and we had lunch within the week. WE had another hour and a half lunch talking just about everything. The other day a bunch of us met at a restaurant and he sat next to me yet again. He does this all of the time. This time we even shared our appetizers with each other. When the bills cam the waiter thought we were together and put our items on one bill. I get sick of his games and do try and stay away as much as I can (including texts and phone calls). There are times when I ignore him but, due to the fact that I am busy. When this happens, he is all over me and seems really interested. I still feel like there still is a chance, but just tired of all the games. He is trying to lose weight and has lost about 50 lbs., which is a good thing. I still think a lot of his ED problem was due to his weight, as well as, family history of heart disease. He knows how I feel and I refuse to bring up getting back together again. I want to move on but, haven't really found anyone I like or have as much fun with as I do with him. There are times that I do think I'm over him and then I spend some time with him and feel I'm being reeled back in. I'm too old for such games. I either want to hit him or kiss him. I don't know what to do.
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broke up, divorce, get back together, his ex, jealous, lose weight, move on, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, betrayed2  +, writes (4 October 2010):
He may need to see a counselor. His ex's verbal abuse has probably lowered his self esteem and he feels he's not competent. I know how verbal abuse can affect ones image, it's very detrimental to ones self worth. The effects can be carried on into future relationships. I wonder if she rediculed him in bed....? Therefore, when intimate, he may revert back to things she may have said to him....?
Good luck
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 October 2010):
 This is difficult, his problems are probably due to many things like stress, confidence issues and being over weight. He probably feels very embarresed about it and now he is probably shutting down and that is why he is playing these games, its probably not to hurt you though its just his way of dealing with his issues. Well you need to put your foot down here, get him alone and talk to him. Tell him you want to be with him or else have no contact at all, tell him that you feel for him over his ED difficulty and tell him you will stand by him, if you get together and he still has problems in that area then he needs to go and see a doctor about it, i know its difficult for any man to do this but he needs to rule out any medical conditions and if there is none its probably phycological issues and there fore he will need to go and see a councellor to get over these issues, tell him you are prepared to stand by him through this but only if he is willing to commit to you, if he is not then keep your distance from him and try and move on how ever hard it isI hope this has helped a little.
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