A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm scared that I've become to obsessive with my boyfriend, not too bad. But I'm quite a jealous person, and I get pissed off quite easily.For example, if he talks to another girl online, I'm weary, althouh not annoyed. But if say I find out he's been talking to an ex of people he used to like, I get annoyed and take it out on him by accident.I'm scared that it's going to ruin our relationship, is there any advice any of you could give me that would maybe stop being so paranoid?Any sort of way to look at the situation?In general I do trust him, he doesn't flirt around, and I'm his first actual relationship, and although he talks to girls he's quite blunt unless their close friends.I just still get paranoid because of previous relationships!Any advice I'd be so happy with! thanks! xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): I know how hard this is.. I've been struggling with the same thing for years. I love my boyfriend so much and I'm a great girlfriend to him UNTIL he talks to a girl friend of his. THEN I'm all about the obsessive questioning - do you think she's pretty - do you think she's keen on you - how long did you talk for - what did you talk about etc.It's MY issue, not his. I totally understand why you feel that way.BUT, girls out there can wrap guys around their little fingers. Even though your boyfriend's not the type to cheat, it's the GIRL we're worried about moreso aye? My boyfriend got into a situation a year ago with a girl. Thought they were hanging out as friends, didn't tell me about it because he KNEW I'd get all jealous and psycho, but then the girl started stalking him and trying to convince him to have a relationship with her - never mind me. That's not to say you need to keep up the jealousy... you have to TRUST your boyfriend, but if you suspect the girl he's talking to is keen on him, let your boyfriend know and tell him how important honesty in the relationship is. I'd told my guy this girl was hot for him, but he didn't believe me until it took a turn into FATAL ATTRACTION territory. He didn't know how to begin to tell me he hadn't been open about them spending time together as friends, as it now looked like a relationship.Guys can't pick up on the girl hints as quick as we can.It really depends on the girl. If she's gutter trash, like in my case, keep one eye open :)
A
male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (5 May 2011):
 Im getting the feeling you may be being a wee bit too harsh on yourself here. A certain amount of jealousy is natural in a relationship when you have deep feelings for your partner and also especially if you have been burnt before in a previous relationship. That is the first thing. However, the second thing (and this is not mutually exclusive) while a certain amount of this maybe natural your right to be concerned about the effect it has on your relationship. If you become too paranoid, become controlling then yes it will probably lead to the end of your relationship. The real question is what you do about these feelings and *crucially* how you control them. The first thing you need to do in this process is *accept* and *understand* them. Rather than trying to repress, forget them or anything like that, this will only make them worse, open yourself too them and understand why your having them, a) because you care about your partner and b) because your scared of being hurt again. When you have done this you can start to control your responses; and control them be reminding yourself that your partner loves you. Remind you of the all the reasons you trust him and that you have nothing to fear. Dont act on these feelings but act against them, rather than nag him give him a spontaneous kiss or something like that, also tell him how your feeling so he can help. Good luck and take care :)x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): hey :) ,
I'm having the same problem too .. i had it before too ..
you can be jealous .. it's good ! show it to him sometimes .. but not all the time ! , between now and then .. if you became too much .. that's will make him bored ... if you showed you care too much for that .. i think you may make him believe that he really likes them back ...
you can tell him that you feel inscure when he talks to his exs .. it's just that you don't trust his exs not him ! .
focus on your relationship more , bcoz thinking about that wont help it , it will just .. destroy it .. :) ..
And be smart ! be more attached to him ask him about his day .. make yourself the most important thing in his life !
get closer to his heart ^_~
I hope you will have a great loving & caring relationship :)
Good Luck ^_~
333 Jung .
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