A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, since I was 16 and now am 20 going on 21 and we live together now. I have always been "the boss", perhaps I can say... In my relationship! meaning that, its mostly all about me. I am a very bitchy mean person and get angry easily at him. I always want him to do What I want him to do for all those years and he never complained. He treats me well, He is always nice to me. I feel happy in this relationship,.. but am not so sure that he is. Finally these past days, he had enough. He tells me he wants a single life, he wants his old life back, when he can do whatever he wants, anytime he wants, and go anywhere he wants to go without my Permission on Everything !!! and that he wants to break up. I cried so much. I really want to change And i do realize that I need to. He even once lied that he went to work, just so that he can have time with friends, I feel so bad, so so bad. Not for myself but also for him, that he has to do this. Another thing is that, am always so jealous and comparing myself to other girls around him. He says before he had so many girl "friends" , he sees his friends have girl "friends" also, but he said why can't he?? I check his phone and msg very often. But he never checks on me! not my phone, my msg, my facebook, my hotmail, Nothing!I'm the wrong in this relationship right? I don't want to loose him, I don't think any other guy would listen to me as much as he does. I don't want to loose this relationship with him. I think I need to give him some space.If I do give him space, Is he ever going to love me like he did? Will it be the same? I feel so down..almost like I hate myself .
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female
reader, zkrp1  +, writes (27 May 2010):
I am 23 and in the same boat. I have been with my bf for 7.8 years now-since high school. After all my bad behaviour he is still with me, however i feel as if i lost all control...totally!!! i don't have a say in anything in his life now, does whatever he wants and goes wherever he wants, with whoever he wants-dont let this happen to you! he makes it clear to me on a daily basis that he does not have to answer to me and that it is none of my business and if he tells me anything it will be because he wants to and not because i want to know. i dont know any of his friends, i dont get invited anymore, i text and email him-he never replies, but replies to friends and family when they text and email him. he doesnt call much-its usually me calling him and even that's a problem now. he's basically slowly getting rid of me now and theres not a damn thing i can do about it-even though i have changed now-its too late and i dont want this to happen to you-or anyone-it hurts too much! if only i had such great advice and saw what my actions were doing earlier. because he literally got up one morning and had enough of me and its all snowballed from there!!
please sweet girl, sort it out while you can
i wish you all the best
big hug
A
male
reader, jay-man +, writes (27 May 2010):
 wow... ur lucky he stayed that long. (no offense) the reason y he didnt check ur stuff is because he trusts u. obviously u dont trust him. and after a while u get the result u got. the good thing about all this is u identified the problem (ur attitude and bitchyness)now just work on it and maybe he will come back to u. express how bad u feel to him. trust him more (if he hasnt cheated on u yet he isnt going to. so RELAX)
everything doesnt have to always be about u.
if u really want him back then fix the attitude problem, trust him more, quit going through his shit and CHILL.
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A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (27 May 2010):
 Let me start by saying that you are moving in the right direction. You have already identified a big part of the problem. Your behavior is learned - think about where you learned that, from whom you've learned that - is that the way you want to be? Your BF is also very, very passive - again this is learned behavior. We passive and aggressive types seem to match up some how = we find each other. But this is not how you want to live - you are saying that loud and clear. This guy does need his space and so do you - you are awfully young and it seems like this is the only really serious (adult) relationship that either one of you has had. That being said - Don't hate yourself -back off - can you move back home or in with a roommate? Can he? If he is lying just to see friends you've got some very serious issues to resolve before you can move forward. There is no guarantee that he will ever love you like he did - but at least this way you will know - you will be sure that he loves you if you get back together. Make sense?
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (27 May 2010):
 Righto firstly the fact that you have looked at yourself and seen all these things about you is great because you can't change what you don't acknowledge.
Secondly I think you probably need some help with this to examine why you feel the need to be controlling and bitchy. Could you seek out some therapy. Not necesarily even with a therapist. Friends mothers are great at this kind of thing too.
Thirdly please tell your ex that you are really sorry about how you have treated him and that you are going to take steps to change these things about yourself. Then leave it at that. Don't say anymore. That alone will speak volumes to him that you are serious about this.
Fourthly keep a daily journal/diary about your feelings to help you examine what else is happening around you that makes you feel you need to control a situation or be bitchy. Be 100% honest with yourself you may see a pattern start to emerge.
Fifthly it may pay to have your hormone levels checked. You could be out of wack.
Sixthly RELAX Make this decision to change and go a little easy on yourself. Keep telling yourself that you don't need to be the one in control all the time, let other people have opinions and ideas. RELAX RELAX RELAX
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