A
female
age
36-40,
*hyrose
writes:To understand my question, i need to give you some background. I'm 23, my husband is 28 and in the military. We've been together for 7 years and married for 5. My family see him as a golden child, second son and that he cannot do wrong.In our first year of marriage, he cheated on me, with his best friends wife (who still doesn't know). As you can imagine i was devastated and went to my family for comfort, and instead of comfort received words of "oh, it was a one time thing" and "he's going away, surely you can put it behind you?". But the thing is, to this day, i still boil up with anger when i think of it.Anyway back to the main story... We separated a year and a half ago due to arguements over anything and everything. It was a mutual agreement, although, through friends, i found out he was saying bad things about me to friends and his family. But believe it or not i really missed him and still loved him, so i asked to give things another go. And 6 months on we're still together.My problem is now that we are back together, i'm not happy. I truely thought that getting back together would be the answer to everything and that the separation was a blip, but now i know that its not the case. And to make matters even more complicated he is away on tour and i've met someone new, who makes me so very, very happy (we haven't been physical because he respects my situation). I'm so afraid of upsetting my family but i'm tired of being unhappy and i'm tired of trying to make everyone else happy.How do i tell my husband i'm not happy and i've found someone new? My mind is going over time and i can't sleep. I know someone has to hurt, as such, but the worse thing is that i do love him, i'm just not in love with him. How do i cope with my family's reaction? I'm sooo confused, please help?!?! x
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best friend, cheated on me, friend's wife, military Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Lovely lady  +, writes (13 October 2009):
Move on sweety! You never know where life is going to take you but you should follow happiness on the journey!
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (12 October 2009):
Hiya,
I'm an army wife too here in the UK.
If you aren't happy then you aren't happy. There is no point torturing yourself.
I've just relayed your problem to my husband and asked him what he would prefer (in terms of phone email etc) when it comes to finding out your wife is leaving you.
He's said that bluey is the way. He'll need to re-read and analyse it. They only get half an hour online and can't print out an email.
Phone for the same reason, it's only 20 minutes and it may get cut off due to mortar alarms etc half way through.
Put it all in a bluey. DO NOT MENTION THE NEW BLOKE. Just tell him why it's not working and that you are not happy.
Hubby also says that a day or two after you send the letter, go to your welfare officer. Tell him the situation (You'll need to sort out the quarter with him etc at some point anyway if you are separating.) so he can warn his welfare guy in theatre. This happens in the forces, and they will not want a man with a gun going off on one with no warning.
The welfare guy out there won't say anything but will be able to keep an eye / remove guns when the time is right.
Be aware that you'll have to be out of the quarter asap once he tells the unit you are separating to be prepared to move and look into rental places.
As for your family, well they'll just have to lump it, and if they want to take his side then you just have to let them have him and you find a new life.
Good Luck!! xx
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