A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Okay so this is a really weird situation. I liked this lad since my first year of high school, we had flirty banta untill he left in 2016. After showing up on the bus on my way to the first day of college a few months ago, it bought old feelings up. We hung out one night and we ended up having some kind of intimacy. I thought that he liked me, so i allowed it to happen. Later that night he told me he was just after someone he could be friends with bennefits with. I feel used and upset. And now everytime i catch the bus to college and hes on it i just want to cry. I see him in college all the time now and he keeps small talk with me. When i rejected his offer to be friends with benefits, he said he still wanted to be friends, because we were friends before anything happened. That night he told me not to say anything to anyone and i promised i wouldnt, although at the time i didnt see the issue since he is 17 and i am 16. But now i realise why. How do i change the way things are now? What do i do when i see him in college? What do i do when i see him on the bus and all i want to do is cry. When i get off the bus, i just walk as fast as i can so that he doesnt catch up. But im tired of trying to avoid him. What do i do ??
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 December 2017):
 If you want to avoid him then it is probably best that you end the friendship. Tell him you don't want to be friends and move on. Take from this experience that if you like someone take your time on getting to know them and don't rush in to intimacy with them.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 November 2017):
 If I were you I'd drop being "friends" with him. He is looking for someone to have casual sex with and YOU are looking for a BF. So you two want different things from the get-go. Also, HE doesn't CARE about you to the extent that you CARE about him. when you told him no thanks to FWB he was fine with it. IF he actually LIKED you he would have asked you out not taken advantage of your little crush.
YOU, on the other hand, you NEED to be a bit smarter. The whole " I thought that he liked me, so I allowed it to happen." No, OP that is not how it works. If you WANT a guy to perhaps be your BF or anything serious, then DO NOT get caught up in the moment and do "intimate" things hoping that it will lead to a relationship or him liking you more. It won't. A guy (like this one) who DOESN'T respect you will not give a single F about using you. It's UP to you to NOT get into situations like this again. OK? YOU need to be smarter.
And OP - this guy? He is a piece of shit. Not only did he use the fact that you were into him, he also didn't tell you BEFOREHAND that he was just looking for casual/NSA sex - OH HE KNEW you wanted more, pretty sure on that. But this guy also ASKED you to NOT tell anyone about that night... why? BECAUSE he makes him look like a TOOL to take advantage of you.
So in short? TAKE your rose tinted glasses off and realize that THIS is NOT the kind of guy you want to be with or be friends with. He is a dick.
So dry your eyes and let it go. If you have his phone number etc. block and delete it. And next time you see him IGNORE him. You don't even have to be polite. IF he asks just tell him you don't see a reason to pretend to be friends as he isn't friend material. Yes, you have to be forward with that.
Don't waste your tears or feelings for this guy, he is an immature little twat and YOU can do better.
Sometimes we first that a crush versus reality is VERY different. In your case it certainly was. You thought this was such a lovely bloke and he isn't. So now that you know - LET IT GO.
YOU made a mistake. LEARN from it. A guy who will flirt, have banter, and want to make out with you doesn't necessarily like you all THAT much. He might see you as a potential one-night-stand, an FWB or just someone to rub his ego.
Next time get to KNOW the guy a LOT more than flirting and banter before getting into an intimate situation. Don't presume that having intimacy will lead to more, so BECOME exclusive BF/GF FIRST. And ANY guy who wants you to "hide" what's going on? Let them go. You shouldn't be hidden away like some dirty secret.
Enjoy college OP - forget about this guy HE isn't worth it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2017): I think the point being missed here is that he didn't explain to her that he was ONLY wanting a FWB relationship BEFORE he got intimate with her. Had he said that, perhaps she would not of done anything with him. But you are equally responsible for assuming something before asking. Now, I will say that guys are very simple creatures.. And normally if they are wanting to have sex with you right away they're not looking for anything serious. Most of the time, especially with guys that age, they're just looking to have fun, and there is nothing wrong with that, but its important to communicate before you cross a line.I know your tired of avoiding him, but if it were me, I'd probably do the same thing. I wouldn't make it obvious, if he spoke to me, I'd be polite and converse with him, but I'd keep everything short, sweet and to the point. I wouldnt go out of my way, but I would keep a safe distance. Its best to just focus on yourself and spend time with friends and doing things you enjoy. He's not the only guy in the world, or even in your college, and you will get over it eventually. Keep your head up high, things will get better!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (25 November 2017):
 I'm missing something here. WHY are you so upset by his presence?
You had a slight misunderstanding in that you ASSUMED he wanted a relationship whereas he just wanted a FWB situation. He was honest and told you this straight away. Perhaps it would have been better to share this information BEFORE you shared intimacy but there were two of you involved and YOU have to share the blame for not ascertaining this beforehand. Lesson learned.
Once you found out what the situation was, you rejected his offer (well done) but chose to stay friends. There is no big drama here or any big wrong doing. It is simply a case of you wanting more than he is prepared to offer. Yes, I understand your dreams have been shattered where he is concerned (for the time being anyway - who knows what will happen when he matures?) but that is no reason to feel you have to run away from him.
Hold your head high. The situation was a lesson you have hopefully learned from. Keep reminding yourself you are worth far more than he was offering. Smile when you see him. Act friendly but keep contact to a minimum if you feel uncomfortable with it. You have nothing to cry about.
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