A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I had my sister's daughter, Kate, spend the night with my daughter, Sam. The next day we went to play at my mom's where another sister lives with her children. While I was outside with my daughter, Sam, my sister made arrangements that Kate would stay with her. My daughter, Sam, was very upset because she wasn't included. I thought it was just plain rude of my sister to do. Her daughter can never be left out of anything without a huge production. I know she did it to "pay back" my daughter for having Kate spend the night without her daughter. This happens ALL the time and her daughter bullies my daughter. I have finally decided to distance myself from the sister and put my daughter first. My family thinks I should forgive her and says it's just "kid stuff." I'm tired of it always being my daughter who ends up hurt. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2008): I'm responding to my own question because I don't know how else to do it. I keep doing something that keeps erasing everything so this is my third attempt. I hope all my other responses aren't posted. To get to the point, I've tried talking to my sisters. They both just think that my daughter should "speak up and defend herself" and all would be fine. The last thing that all 3 girls were at (ages 8, 9, and 10 and not planned that way) the bully would move her mouth without any sound coming out and ask my daughter what she was saying. When my daughter said she couldn't hear, the bully turned to Kate and said "You can hear me, right" and of course Kate said yes. Then they started telling her that she needs to get her ears cleaned. The bully kept on moving her mouth and doing it all over again until my daughter broke down. I asked my daughter why she didn't ask Kate to say out loud what she heard and of course my daughter said "I was too sad and I couldn't think" This doesn't happen when it's just Kate, so I'm thinking she has the "better you than me" theory which is okay since she's just a kid. My sister doesn't see that is different than arguing over who gets which Barbie, etc., which they all do. I don't know anymore. Have you ever felt that way where you feel like you just can't win? My husband is a very logical thinker and so I've asked him if I'm being too emotional. He agrees to distance ourselves. It makes it really hard because my sister and her husband live with my mom and my mom feels like I should just get over it and move on. I could if my sister and I fought about us, but none when it comes to my child. I don't think she's going to change, but I think I have to. Thank you for all the great responses. I hope to get even more. I feel lost because it is family.
A
female
reader, lonely101 +, writes (24 July 2008):
I've been in a very similar situation, my aunt and cousin would do the same thing to me. You have to put your daughter first. You'll likely take a lot of crap from your family for distancing yourself from your sister, but it's something you have to do.
Have you tried to say anything to your sister about the situation? Or even talking to Kate's parents? They may feel the same way and you would have someone on your side...
Hope everything works out.
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