A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hey, here's my situation. i'm 30 years old and have been with my husband for 13 years. our relationship has had many downs, he's been abusive at the start of it and i have always stayed with him, he isn't physically abusive anymore but everytime we fight he tells me he hates me, calls me a whore, blah blah blah. here's the thing, there are actually 2 things, 1st one is he's addicted to hydrocodone. he goes thru about 100 + dollars a month buying them, he told me a while ago that he knows that he's addicted and needs to stop so asked me to hold the ones he has so he wouldn't take them so much. i did and everytime i told him he didn't need one he would get mad at me and start yelling at me, the latest one was he threatened to slit my throat and ripped up 5 of my shirts and my deceased fathers shirt with a knife, that was all i have from my dad. next problem is his porn addiction, within the 1st 2 months of our relationship he came home one day and told me to go in the bed and get ready for him, well after waiting for 15 minutes i went to check on him and he was in the bathroom jerking off to a magazine, the other time i had took pictures of myself for him to keep him from buying the magazines, he said if he had pictures of me he wouldn't buy them anymore so i did and caught him jerking off to the magazines instead of my pictures, i've tried swinging for him so he won't buy them but nothing ever is good enough for him he won't give them up. i'm tired of giving and giving and getting nothing, not even respect in return. i know men look at porn but he is truly obssessive with it, he hides it everywhere and even takes it with him, and he masturbates to it multiple times a day, even if we have great sex he will go jerk off as soon as i'm asleep. i know he has a high sex drive but i never refuse him and i'm tired of feeling like i don't satisfy him.. any thoughts????
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): Babes, this situation sounds like hell... the addictions, the verbal abuse, the physical abuse, his high sex drive and the fact that he's never satisfied, how do you stand to live everyday married to this man.
I find it strange that the porn upsets you. This is a man who has physically hurt you, he calls you a whore, and yet you are upset by the pornography. He holds a knife and threatens to kill you, and you get upset because the pornography means that your not enough for him? I would be scared of a guy like this. He disrespects, hurts and threatens you in so many ways, and his sexual activity is one of the things that upset you most... Truly I don't understand...
Do you have any kids? Are they seeing the life that you are living. Do they see the way he treats you? Dose your family and friends know that he threatens to kill you..
I don't know what to say, this is a terrible case of physical, mental, verbal and emotional abuse. But you still long to make him happy and satisfy him. You are young, your 30years old. After 13years you've spent all your youth years with this man, and it doesn't sound like you have any intention of leaving.
He tears up your clothes, including the a precious shirt belong to your dead father, and you are asking us how you can satisfy him so he will give up the pornography.
I don't know how you cope, and I truly hope for your sake that the physical violence is gone for good. You've been with this guy since you were 17years old. Thirteen years of pain and you want to stay for more..... Do you really think you were put on earth just to be hurt by this man. Was this how you expected life to be when you were a little girl?
Can't help babes, you decide to stay with this guy and watch your youth pass you by as your things get destroyed, you watch your back in case one day he puts a knife in it, you have tons of sex with him, even after he calls you a whore and turns around and goes back to his magazine. You choose to stay, he knows this, that's why he can afford to treat you this way. No matter what he dose to you, you will stay. He can do anything he wants, beat you, curse you, spit on you, try to kill you, and you will still stay. There is no reason for him to change, it's not his problem, he is happy, your the only person crying here.
You can't change people, you can only change yourself. You are in this situation, and it suits you to stay. I would tell you to run and leave him, but I would be wasting my breath. I wish you good luck, keep yourself very safe. I have no idea what to say or how to advise you that their is more to life than suffering abuse at the hands of this one man amongst many... Take care of you.
If you do decide to leave, or at least wish to talk to women who have been in your situation and decided to leave then please contact people in your country who are familiar with domestic abuse... http://www.domesticviolence.org/
I'm so sorry for you, nobody deserves to live like this...
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