A
male
age
41-50,
*odChild1975
writes:Hello everyone, and God Bless you all. This is a good thing that you are all doing. I feel guilty for doing this, but about 6 months ago, I had this strange feeling that my wife was using her computer at work and the computer at home to talk to other men. So I created a fake account on myspace and sent her a message, just to see if she would respond. I waited a couple of days and checked the inbox. Sure enough, she replied! So I played along for a few more days to see where she would go with it, and then she gave me her name she used in Yahoo I/M so we could talk. I am not going to go into depth with what she said, but let's just say I was physically sick about it. It took some time for me to gather enough strength to confront her about it, and she said she knew it was me the whole time, so she wanted to "teach me a lesson". I still had my doubts, so I took a chance and installed a keylogger on our computer, and got her hotmail and myspace account info. God knows I love my wife, but I HAD TO KNOW for sure. She was sending and recieving messages in myspace with at least 2 guys that were contacts in her yahoo account, which by the way miraculously disapppeared the day after I confronted her. (Hmmm...)My question is, should I REALLY worry as much as I do about her infedelity? I am all about never giving up on things, but I am at my wits end with this issue. I'm tired of faking happiness when I know she's getting so personal with someone else. I don't have an issue with her having male friends, but it becomes an issue when she is giving her cell phone number out and telling them personal things. Somebody Please help me.
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male
reader, reluctant +, writes (4 October 2008):
i have found myself in a very simulare position, i encoraged my wife 2 send out dirty pic's of herself. at first 2 help me hate her more, but later it helped us 2 understand her. it turned out kinda dirty neat 4 me and people did see her naked.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): you need to remind her of what she is about to lose if she does not respect you.
she has started taking you for granted. she has forgotten about your sexy, highly desirable ass. she needs to awakened out of her sleep.
that's all this is. you have to remind people, yes even your own wife. she is a regular, fallible, forgetful person before she is your wife.
don't be taken for granted. always be cherished. life is a game.
take action. start hanging out with more lady friends. do other activities alone, outside of your relationship.
ask her to stop in a calm voice. do not get emotional.
continue to go on with your life, making more lady friends.
she will soon get the picture, leaving those mysterious internet freaks alone, and will come running after you.
trust me.
read the book - why men marry bitches. it will save your marriage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): You do not say how old your wife is or how long you have been married but I can relate to how you feel. My husband told me about 5 weeks ago that he was not happy and wanted out. he said he loved me and wanted space to be on his own. He asssured me there was no other person. Said it was the mid life crisis and had lots o his mind. We have been married 20 years. He is 43. He never left but over the next few weeks I found out he was talking to another woman on the internet. I did the same as you and got all the details and was sick when I found all the things he had been telling her and promising her.It was like a fantasy land he was living in. he told her he was seperated for 8 months (not left for one night). When i confronted him he said he wanted to get caught as it brought it all home what he really wanted. I told him to leave. It was the kick up the ass he needed. He told me he needed me to be strong and say that to make a decision. I have the same reservations, as i do not know what he gets up to when he is at work, but once he said that he wanted to be with me as hard as it is I have to trust him. His behaviour is totally different and he is so romantic that our sex lives have gone through the roof. perhaps you need to be strong and force her to decide to be open and honest or get out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): It is highly unlikely in my opinion that your wife "knew it was you". I don't thinks so. I think if she has not cheated yet she is toying with the idea for sure.
What to do? You say you don't like to give up on things. I know how you feel I am the same way but this one is not about you giving up its more about you facing up to whats going on.
Its been my experience in life that if you have a feeling about something -your probably right.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (28 February 2008):
 May I suggest marital counseling. Your wife is suffering from an emotional disconnection from you -- it happens frequently when a more out-going woman, falls in love with a strong, silent man. At first she sees you as strong (hence the title) and maybe even a little mysterious. She's content to talk about her day, share her hopes and dreams and feel like she has the freedom to express herself completely. But eventually, she begins to feel like an outsider. You may be deeply in love with her, but you have a hard time expressing yourself the way she does. She feels like you are putting up walls, or perhaps your distance signals disinterest. Your wife is desperate to connect with a man she can feel close to and being the strong, silent type you cannot offer her the one thing she's craving -- conversation, a glimpse into your silence and what the hell is going on inside your head. So she has been reaching out to other men, and discovering (much to her horror) that there are men out there, willing to chat up a storm and share whatever is on their minds. Now she has a dilema. She's married to a man she thinks she loves (well, she used to anyhow)...but suddenly she feels closer to a total stranger than she does to her own spouse. First comes the emotional affair, then comes the sexual one because it would be my guess that if she doesn't feel connected to you emotionally, she will not feel connected to you sexually at some point. This is what I think is happening in your marriage. And you are probably going along, thinking everything is fine and dandy at home; you work, you come home, you are probably an excellent provider, never forget her birthday or anniversaries, but you cannot seem to provide the one thing she is craving the most -- an open person. Can this marriage survive? It's hard to say. But counseling might help. It may help you and your wife to understand why she gravitating towards other men, and you may need to figure out how to be more open with her, if that's possible. And she will have to end her on-line affairs if she wants to re-kindle the marriage and keep your trust in tact. I wish you the best. You both have a long road ahead of you and hopefully you're both willing to work on this marriage before it's too late.
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A
male
reader, GodChild1975 +, writes (28 February 2008):
GodChild1975 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for those replies. I didn't mention the fact that she is mentally manipulating me. She has the uncanny abilty to take any situation and twist it around and make it look like it's my fault. And yes, I am the strong silent type.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): Divorce her!dude, just seeing her reaction to you confronting her should tell you to get the hell out of this relationship. she is obviously not committed! The internet can create and ruin love. In this case it's ruined it.Unless if she changes real fast, real soon. You should really consider divorce.
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A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (27 February 2008):
You're wife has been having an emotional affair but the question remains -- Why?...Most women who seek this kind of attention are not getting it at home. Are you the strong, silent type? Do you feel you give your wife enough attention, make her feel sexy and alive? By what you have described, your wife is seeking some sort of fulfillment she is not getting at home. And if you tell me you have not been burying yourself in your work, or traveling too much, working late hours then it's possible your wife has fallen out of love for you. It's time to put all your cards on the table and find out what's really going on with her. Her behavior is not that of a happily married person. You may both need counseling to save your marriage and restore trust. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): I am with the others on this one. You need to get stuck in to this issue. It is cheating and being dishonest with you, which is not the way a marriage should operate.
You have every right to tell her this is a problem for you and one you are worried about. I would be and so would many others. Having male friends is one thing and totally acceptable. The content in her activities has suggested that the relationships or banter between your wife and these men is not acceptable.
It sounds as if she is doing all of this to gain some sort of ego trip/desirability or wanting to know she has other men interested in her. That's a problem in my book (which is the bible!) It is not on. Women do have male friends and company, usually the friendships between platonic males and females tends to be long standing friendships. That said, I have never discussed personal issues with my male mates. I do not share, wven with some of my best male friends anything inappropriate or sexual. That's not what friendships are about to me. So I do not by the just friends issue. She is blantantly flirting or carrying on as if she where free to do so.
You have to talk to her and ask her what this is all about for her. Why does she feel she needs to do this. And ask her how she whats you to handle it. Reverse the situation and ask her if it would be okay for you to do the same thing. She is definately receiving some benefit from this activity, you need to find out what that is. Then you will know exactly what problem you are dealing with.
All the best and God Bless.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): You need to tackle this one head on. You say she knows that you are onto her, then have that talk now. Tell how you feel, even what you have just told us. It is making you ill and you love your wife and cannot go on like this. How would she feel if you were doing this to her? Not nice! Just point out that you dont mind her having men friends but not to the point that it has been, be firm. You only have one life and why should yours be this miserable, think about it. You do deserve better.
take care
xx
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