A
female
age
30-35,
*everperfect
writes:okay so ive been dating my bf for 4 months now, hes 18 and im 17. before we started dating people kept telling me how bad of a player he is and that all he wanted from me was sex, at the time i met him i was still a virgin. i knew he had a bad reputation with girls but whenever i talked to him myself, he didnt seem that bad to me at all so decided to be his gf. since the day we started going out everything has been perfect, we would talk on the phone every single day for hours and never get tired of each other. we also never fought about anything at all. ive grown to truely care about him a lot and i love him so much. hes always on my mind and never seems to leave it. this feeling is a little weird to me cause this is the first time ive ever had feelings this deeply for anyone. but i really cant see myself with anyone but him. he has also said that he loves me and believes that im the "one" for him. he says that im the only one he ever wants to be with anymore. so like i said everything between me and him are close to perfect. it just seems like everyone else has a problem with our relationship. i have people telling and asking me that i could do better, whats so special about him, and why did i pick him, you know shit like that. and its tiring having people tell me this all the time. i try not to let it get to me but sometimes it does and then i start having doubts about everything. ive already had sex with him and he was my first. he still stuck around afterwards and i feel like our feelings only got deeper for each other. i know he parties a lot (haha thats how we met each other) but i dont think he would ever cheat on me, even though he has in hes past relatinship with other girls. i trust him and i know that he trusts me too. but should i still be worried about what the other people tell me? i just dont know what ill do if i ever lost him...
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female
reader, neverperfect +, writes (4 October 2011):
neverperfect is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni mean we do fight every once in awhile, but usually the problem is resolved that same day, its never prolonged over a long period of time. i also know most of his friends and hung out with them before. and whenever im out with him and other people he always acts the same with them and me. the party thing, most of the time hes just with the boys smoking and drinking at one of their houses. and even when he went to other parties and all, he would sometimes call me at the party or always after whenever he got home from it. and in his past relationship, it wasnt always him that did the bad things. sometimes the girls would have an equal part to the destruction of their relationship and im not just saying this cause im his gf now or cause he told me, but because i have also heard rumors about the girls and i know who the girls are. also im not saying that this justifys his actions or anything but that the blame cant be completely placed on him if the relationship was basically already over to begin with. i just dont understand, if someone is just in a relationship to "play" the other person. why go through all the trouble of meeting their family and bringing them over to me yours? it really doesnt make sense to me to go through all that trouble just to play that person, it seems like a waste of time to me.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2011): It's often said that relationships don't reach the honesty stage until you are able to fight and work through conflicts together. Until then, usually one or both people are blinded by what they want to see and want to believe.
That person would be YOU. You say there are no fights or conflicts so even though you have been going out 4 months, true colours have not been revealed yet.
The best predictor of how a guy will treat you is how he has treated others in the past. He's a player and a cheater and many people are warning you about him. Does a tiger change its stripes? No, and it wouldn't be wise to gamble your heart on it.
Is your relationship mainly on the phone or do you go out with him and spend time with his friends as a couple? Do you see all aspects of his social life (with your own eyes and not what he tells you?) or are there gaps in time you spend together? Most guys like him will be happy to sleep around while under the pretense of "waiting" for you and keep a large part of their social lives separate from their relationships.
I would be very concerned with what other people are telling you. I have a feeling he hasn't made his life very visible to you and you just rely on what he tells you, which is not good with the type of guy who has this history.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (3 October 2011):
It's a lot different when you're actually IN the relationship. When you're with someone especially when it's new (yes, 4-months is new) you think they're great, wonderful, amazing, and even perfect like you've said.
However, what people see one the outside is usually what it is. People seem to know what kind of guy he really is...and possibly things can be different this time around--but he is only 18.
Also, beware of the party guys. When he's out partying WITHOUT you, it's usually a red flag. Because one day he's going to tell you that he hooked up with so-and-so...but he was drunk.
If a lot of people are telling you to watch out for the guy the problem isn't them...the problem is him. I know you probably won't take any advice that says to keep your distance. The only thing that I can say is don't get in too deep--I know you have strong feelings for him, but don't be surprised if you end up broken hearted.
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