A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I once met a guy that by just shaking hands with, I forgot my existence, I don't know why or how but before even knowing his name I felt something so strong inside me that made my legs weak. Anyways, I got to know him and you know the rest, I fell head over heels for him, luckily he did to but.... After some time together, 3 months or so I found out he's married!!!! My whole world fell apart, and I broke up with him of course. I even started dating an other guy just to get rid of my attachmend to the married one but it didn't work out, somehow without knowing I found myself slowly going back to him. It is pure love. But time passed and now I have a 2 year relationship with an unavailable man. Our families found out, problems are bigger than ever but we can't seem to give up. Im kind of tired being the other one. In the other hand he became so jealous that it feels like Im a prisoner living with a policeman under the same roof. We love each other so much it hurts but I came to the point that one of us should end this, and even though I am 11 years younger than him, I guess I have to be the smart ass. It hurts knowing that I broke two families hearts, and it kills having to let go. Is there any chance I can break this, without hurting him?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 September 2017):
 You need to end it and block him from contacting you. He does not love you, if he loved you he would have got divorced and then started a relationship with you. He is with you because you are young and he can take advantage of that. Honestly get out and live your life, be with someone your own age who is single and who you can have a happy relationship with.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2017): Quite honestly you should hurt his icky dicky feelings because he is hurting yours every day he hangs onto you and tries to keep you waiting for him.
The best thing you can do is to start seeing another guy.
And tell him about it.
He will be accomodating about it because he has wife at home and wants to appear reasonable and you are just a booty call.
But it will dim his passion.
If all else fails you can lie to him and tell him you slept with a guy who uses needles and you need a HIV checkup.
He will drop you like a stone and never look back.
You could even text him something similarly awful and break contact abruptly with great apologies about how much you will miss his gorgeous body!
But you can get out of this self made prison and with a little thought about how you deserve a special someone to snuggle up to on Xmas eve after your glass of mulled wine , you will find someone more suitable.
This time next year you will be with your very own loving partner if you cut him off without feeling bad about his need to have you.
Time to forget him and think of you.
How about a false alarm pregnancy scare! That'll send him running for the hills and when you tell him your period was just a week late and arrived belatedly he will be overjoyed with relief and push you a little further back on his social calendar because no one needs to be continually reminded how they nearly got run over by a train..in this case a one week pregnancy train.
Im sure you can think of some reason why it cant continue but you have to be assertive or you will just be back to waiting for his loving calls and lonely nights.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 September 2017):
 You are young and quite naive.
It's not "pure love". But it helps YOU when you call it love instead of lust and betrayal. Nothing pure about cheaters.
He doesn't LOVE you. If he truly did he wouldn't stay with the wife and "keep" you in a holding pattern as the "other woman". He would want more. He would want to GIVE more.
You made a choice (and a bad one) by NOT cutting all contact when you found out he was married. It happens. HE was hoping he had you "snagged" well enough that you would "forgive" the "omission" and stay around to be his side dish. And you did. Because you wanted a fantasy. The fantasy where this man LOVES you SOOOO much he can't bear to not have you in his life... though apparently, he can't bear to not have his wife either...
I don't say that to mock you, but it IS fantasy. Reality is, he is MARRIED, living with someone else, building a life with someone else, having holidays with someone else, making dinner and ACTUAL memories with someone else - not stolen moments. That is all YOU get.
IF you are really DONE being the side chick, the other woman - then CUT the contact 100%.
Focus on finding out WHO you are and what you want in life. Focus on that. Education, travel, work, career.
He might be mad. He might get upset but in the end, that doesn't matter. He has NO right to YOUR life. He doesn't OWN you. OR your time. He has a wife and a marriage he should go work on. And honestly? If having a mistress is something he wants... YOU are replaceable.
WHY do you think he didn't tell you about his wife when things started to heat up with you and him? WHY do you think he waited 3 months? BECAUSE he hoped you wouldn't find out. BECAUSE he didn't plan on you being more than a fuck buddy. You can call yourself "the other woman" or "the mistress" but in reality... you are the F-buddy.
And then ask yourself WHY he "went" after a much younger (11 years younger) woman (you). Why do you think he did that? Don't think THAT wasn't on purpose. You are young, naive and inexperienced (compared to him) thus easier to manipulate and control.
OP, DO yourself a favor and STOP putting this man first. PUT yourself first. Stop revolving around what HE wants.
Maybe look for a job (or if you are in school) or school/course in a different city so you PHYSICALLY get away from him. So YOU can get a fresh start.
And take some time to look at your OWN actions as well. As much as you paint this OH IT's LOVE!!! picture - why would you think it's OK to continue seeing him when you KNEW he was married? Why do that to yourself AND to another woman?
He isn't the only man out there. He isn't even a Keeper - at least not yours. He's never BEEN yours.
Time to grow up and start to think and do right in life.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (8 September 2017):
 You need to just be stubborn with yourself and cut all contact. I'm sorry to be blunt, but you've both hurt and destroyed people, so you will both "deserve" a bit of hurt back. Besides, all of us ache when we end things with a friend/lover.I'm so sorry you've been used and have fooled yourself into falling for a cheater, but you need to woman up and do the right thing. You'll honestly feel better for it when you're past the hard part.If there are any friends or family members who know and won't insult you, ask them to help you stay firm and avoid contacting him. They will need to be strict with you, but you also need to be responsible for your actions and do what you must do: clear your life of him permanently.Do not let him back in your life. Block him. Don't talk to him if you see him. Don't allow him to worm his way back to you.Learn from this mistake and don't continue it.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (8 September 2017):
 You are a young woman, still learning your way in the world, while he already has established himself with a wife, family, home and a mistress!
Remove your rose tinted glasses and get yourself the hail out of that situation ... don't worry about his little feelies for you, they are not real.
If this man truly loved you he would move heaven and earth to be with you. He has absolutely NO RIGHT to be jealous, after all he has two women on the go, you and his wife.
You wont get the past two years back ... years you should have been out and about, having fun with girlfriends and in the dating world instead of skulking around in the shadows as this mans young bit on the side, because that is all you will ever be to this cheater, the side bit.
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A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (8 September 2017):
NO. There is no way of breaking that without someone getting hurt.You are very young and you have a lot to live. Staying attached to a married man will only make you loose your youth with someone that may never love you back as you want and need to. You deserve a free man, a man who can fill that need of love and affection you have, and with who you can establish a healthy loving relationship.My advice to you, is go to therapy, get stronger emotionally, discover why you are so addicted to danger, and learn how to break that relationship for once, so you can move on with your life. There are many good and single men out there, you just need to find them.If you want to marry some day and have children of your own, then you should leave that man, for your own sake. It looks like you love him very much, but if he haven't filed for a divorce now, he may never be with you, and he may never be with you.You don't deserve to be the other woman. You deserve to have a (non cheating) man all for yourself. Don't expect less than that! Best luck!
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