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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: girls, a question for you...why is it that girls can complain so much about things guys don't do, but then when a guy does those very things girls cry? i have been in four relationships, still in the fourth one as of now. but every girl i've been with seems to eventually reject me. i try to be a good boyfriend, and i believe i am. i never ever forget important dates like birthdays anniversaries valentines day or whatever. i always take time to listen when my girlfriend has something to complain about. i make our dates exciting and interesting, and i try to lead while still being flexible. i show her in many ways that i love her but i don't overdo it and get whiny or needy. i don't pressure when it comes to sex or other sensitive topics, i might say i want some but if she says no it's no and i don't make an ass out of myself being controlling.but every girl i've been with eventually seems to reject me. at first they seem to really like how i am, like they'll say "you're amazing because you haven't pressured me, you actually care about me unlike the jerks i've dated" and so on, but after some time, she'll start standing me up, stop calling or texting as frequently, or never seem very happy with me.whenever i look around for advice i find tons and tons of posts and articles and blogs written by girls complaining about how horrible their boyfriend is because he doesn't remember dates or doesn't call enough or doesn't think about her enough or is selfish or is all these other things that i try so hard not to be. like if i look for posts on what to do if you're being stood up, it's always a girl writing that a guy stood her up. if i look up what to do when your partner doesn't seem to want to contact you or doesn't call you for days, it's always a girl complaining that her bf won't talk to her and how it's tearing her apart. but i'm a guy, and i feel like i'm having all the same problems as girls! what is it that i'm doing wrong with girls? why is it that women seem to want something so so badly, almost universally women will say it's what they want, but then when i do those things, try to keep the relationship interesting fun and exciting while still not being smothering, do i end up eventually being either flat out rejected or just ignored and hurt to the point where i can't do it anymore because i am trying and she doesn't care?all of the girls i've dated i have loved in their own way, and the one i'm with now i actually have thought about lifetime commitment. it's not that i never did before, but this is the first time i felt in a relationship that yes i want it and yes i want it with this girl and yes i will take responsibility for my parts in the relationship for the rest of my life. and now i find her pulling away as well, standing me up and not calling or texting me and sometimes going for a few days without talking to me. it hurts deeply but i try not to show it too much, i don't want to seem needy, but i do love her.i'm just tired of finding that the only way i can love someone i love deeply is to let them go.ask me if you need more details about specifics but that's my question... hope there's some advice that can help me...
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female
reader, Freckletone  +, writes (28 December 2012):
As a woman I would have to say that you sound like a wounderful man, someone who any girl would want but unfortunately there are some girls who want to be "man handdled" and take guys like you for granted. I think that she is just not as into you as you are to her... I mean have you ever talked to her about what is bothering you? In order for a relationship to work both parts have to make it work and if this relationship is hurting you it is not healthy and you should just walk away.... Dont loose hope in finding true love because everything will come in its own time... let her go and if it is meant to be she will come back and if she doesnt be happy that you got out of an unhappy relationship...
A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (15 December 2012):
Where is your passion?!
You speak of love like it is simply some sort of routine, a set of duties you are obligated to fulfill. Why do you love her? What makes her special? What do you do to show her you can't live without her?
Is it possible you are too nice and reserved to keep a woman's interest for long?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2012):
I agree with the previous post . and much like men are from mars, us women are from Venus and its hard to give specific advice on a very tough subject ..
First of if your at the 26 age mark, you may be dating 20 to 25 years old and being honest statistics show that girls nowadays 'some' don't want to settle down to early and their looking for guys who have jobs and can offer future security.. Like guys who want the full package, you know gorgeous on the outside/inside, good cook, job, good in bed.. Hey us girls have jumped up a notch and decided hey we want that too..
And like most girls who have to kiss a few frogs to find Prince Charming.. Your going to have to do the same to find your Cinderella..
I'd say stop giving your heart away to freely.. Make time for your girl and your friends . Have a life other than her.. If she texts fantastic if she doesn't and you've texted her, go out with friends and see if she does if she doesn't after a week, then your free to find someone, as the other aunt said more compatible to you, don't rush, go out have fun, I'm not saying be jack the lad as you seem like a nice young man..
It's hard I know.. Why not join a darting agency then you can find out about what they girl wants before you see her is it long term etc.. But again as the aunt said you only know through time and effort..
Hang in there
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2012): I had a boyfriend who did everything proper, but there was no real connection. He listened, trying to sympathize, but I felt he doesn't share my views on anything. It's not about you doing everything that a girl might want its about you two connecting. My husband doesn't do everything right, he does forgets our anniversary, ok, I remind him and pick a place to celebrate.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 December 2012):
 "why is it that women seem to want something so so badly, almost universally women will say it's what they want,"
We do? Look, we're not chemistry experiments or cakes. There's no formula for making girls like you. All of these things you've listed (with the exception of not pressuring for sex, which is very important that you continue to do) are very generic and have nothing to do with forming a lasting relationship. We very rarely see questions from women asking for their guy to remember dates better. The things that make a relationship last are not being a hallmark greeting card, it's forming a lasting connection with a person on a deeper level. You did all the initial "courting rituals" right, but haven't gone further with trying to connect with them as people, which gives exactly the response you'd describe. Initial interest followed by boredom and lack of interest.
I can't really advise you on how to form real chemistry with someone because you can't make that happen, it's just luck. But the best advice I can give is that you need to be choosier about who you go after. Don't go after someone just because you want a girlfriend, go after someone because you feel a connection to them before you even start dating. Treat them as individuals. You have this idea that women are this big mass of same brain, but we're not. Like I said, don't treat women like cakes and you will have an easier time. It's much more important that you know your partner as a person than you remember their birthday.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (14 December 2012):
Hi,
I don't know what it is.
But I suppose it's not because you remember birthdays and are an understanding person. Those are a huge plus in my opinion.
When I read your post, it sounds like you are desperate to please other people. But deep down you distrust them and you think they won't love you for who you are.
So, if I imagine myself in a relationship with a man like you (or like you sound in the post), I imagine that you don't really show your personality and make a lot of compromises. This way, people start to take you for granted and get eventually bored or feel uncomfortable around you. Because they know you sacrifice much more than them.
But that's just a guess.
Dare to be the person you are and think about your needs. Don't make your happiness depending on the appreciation of a woman and also find other things to do than hanging out with your gf. And in this situation that you are now, ask your gf why she's withdrawing and ask her to be honest. Maybe she needs some more time for herself?
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