A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, I apologize in advance if this turns into a long post. I've been struggling with my self-esteem for years and I'm tired of feeling this way. My confidence problems have to do with not one, but several factors. Please bear with me to explain them all. I'm 23, but my whole life, I've looked very young. Most people who meet me think I'm somewhere between 12 and 17. I know I should be happy to look young, that it will be handy in the future, yada yada. But I'm not living in the future am I? There are several features about me that I'm sure make people think I'm jailbait:1. I'm naturally thin and not very curvy. I'm probably going to get flamed, but let me explain that this is not always a good thing. I have a very fast metabolism, and people have asked me if I have an eating disorder. I don't! It makes me feel bad to have people think of me as having a "boyish" figure. I wish I looked more womanly. I hear all the time that men like curvy women. Also the phrase "real women have curves" makes me so angry, I can't see straight. So what if I don't have them? Does that make me not a "real" woman? Am I unattractive and unworthy of the ranks of womanhood for being this way naturally?2. Got the small breasts going on. Again, this makes me feel unfeminine and unwomanly. What man is going to want me if I don't have the curves and breasts a woman "should" have? I wish I could find a man who thought small breasts were sexy and didn't secretly want them bigger. I want a guy who actually is turned on by my itty bits!3. I'm small everywhere except 2 places: In both sets of my proverbial "cheeks". Having a bubble butt is a good thing, so at least I got that (thanks mom). But I do have a hard time with my big cheeks (the ones on my face, lol). It makes me look even younger to have chipmunk cheeks- the baby face. ARG.4. The cute thing. All of the above features only add to my "cute factor". I'm 23, not a child! And I LOVE sex! But all these unwomanly "cute" features seem to be holding me back from having adult relationships. My whole life I've been cute. Cute,cute,cute, constantly nothing but cute. Is there some other adjective that can describe me in a more mature manner? I graduated from college last year, not elementary school! GRRRRRRRRR. CUTE IS FOR PUPPIES! I don't WANT to be cute anymore! I don't want to be described in the same way as a toddler! I want to be sexy and hot! I want to be seen as a sexy WOMAN despite having unwomanly features! Is this an impossibility? Idk. I just want, just once, to make a man trip over his tongue when he sees me. Silly dream? I hope it's not silly to fantasize about being wanted and desired.. What do you men think? Is someone with my features capable of being sexy and seen as womanly? I'd like to know how I can do that.
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female
reader, Jenn25 +, writes (5 January 2010):
Hey don't feel bad I'm 25 and I don't look like a woman people don't call me cute but when they see me they think I'm around 14, 15 and 16 I'm not thin but I'm on the chunky chubby side and my breasts are small. You figured once we got into our 20's we'd start looking more and more like women. Yeah it sucks when your 25 and still looks like a freakin kid.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPhil, I think it's just frustrating because the body I have naturally doesn't seem to viewed as something desirable, since it's not very "womanly".
k c100, I don't mind my body and actually, I wouldn't want to change it, if I didn't mind being single for the rest of my life. I want to be with a guy in all ways (have fun, relationship, snuggle, and yes, sex). But I worry that a guy wouldn't want to be with me in all ways or at all if I don't have the body that says something other than immature "cute" little girl. I'd just like to be wanted, for a change.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs far as how I dress, I try to make it a point to look mature and get clothing that fits me well and looks classy. I don't want to look like an easy ho, because I'm not one, but I don't wear things that make me look like a bag lady or a middle schooler either. It does make me wonder though, is the skank look the only clothing option for a woman to get a man to be sexually interested in her?
I may be totally off base here, and please correct me if I am, but it seems like a woman can either dress sexy and a man will want to sleep with her but not date her, or a woman can be more covered and he would then be more inclined to think of her as date material. BUT, it seems to me like being called cute or having a guy think of you as cute (which to me, implies kittens, rainbows, unicorns, tea parties, etc) is the female version of being friend-zoned. It seems like being called cute is the opposite of sexy. The sexy woman is the desirable one, the one that turns the guy on, but the cute woman is the one who he may think is really cool but is not interested in getting her naked.
Now, I do admit that I don't want to be a screw-then-throw-away, but nor do I wish to be the cute little girl that no man takes seriously or is really interested sexually. If I liked a guy enough to date him long-term, then I definitely would want to have my way with him. I'm just nervous that always being "cute" detracts from my appeal as an adult woman. I think because of my conotations with the word cute, it seems like it negates sex appeal, that being cute means you're not sexually attractive.
k c100 and phil, thanks for your responses!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): Dress differently then. More seductively demure.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): Without any question of doubt, the answer is YES!
Having small boobs doesn't make you any less of a woman, and any man who goes in pursuit of a woman just because she has big boobs and lots of curves is a very shallow man indeed. Haven't you heard? Small boobs are 'in'!
My other half has somewhere between an A and AA cup and I thinks she's the most gorgeous thing on legs, not because she has small boobs but because she has personality. Personality and a sense of humour are much more important traits than any physical feature.
If you've got a bubble butt it stands to reason that you've got curves!
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (11 May 2009):
 I wish I had a figure like yours! I am small (only 5ft 3) and have huge hips and boobs - very "womanly" but makes me look pretty damn fat at my height! I would love to have no boobs at all so I could wear whatever I want - my life is ruled by "can I wear a bra with this?". I long to wear backless tops/dresses, but I'm destined never to be able to do this because of my huge boobs that look hideous without a sizeable bra holding them up!
Moral of the story here - we always want what we havent got. You are not happy with your body, I am not happy with my body, and 99% of the female population are also not happy with their bodies. This is just life - we have to learn to make the most of what we have. And as for men - everyone is different and men have different tastes. I'm sure for a number of men out there you will be their ideal woman!
Look at Kylie minogue, she is tiny in all ways! She is 4ft 11, has no boobs and is very skinny with a decent size bum! And men go wild for her - she never has a problem getting a boyfriend!
The whole cute thing is a problem and not a lot you can do about it really. Let me suggest that high heels and a push up bra become your new best friends! And make-up too - there are ways of doing yourself up to make you look a little older. And try going to bars more often - seen as you cant drink until 21 in the US then at least people will realise if you are in a bar you are at least 21!
Just learn to make the most of yourself - I bet you have amazing legs so show them off in a classy short dress etc. If you want to make yourself look like you have more curves then try looking to the 50's for some fashion inspiration. Full skirts with a belted waist gives you that hourglass look. But you are so lucky with your figure - you can wear pretty much anything you like and no fashion trend is beyond you! Have a look at some celebs with similar figures to you - Nicole Richie for example has quite a "cute" look about her (even though it is likely she has an eating disorder she is way too skinny).
One suggestion for you that might help give you some curves - are you on birth control? While you might not be having regular sex therefore you might not need it for that reason, it can help "fill" you out a little by making your boobs a bit bigger and just helping you to put on a little weight. Going to the gym too might help - not doing cardio but weights. This way you can build you body a little and help make your bum look more in proportion!
Just try to learn to make the most of what you have been given - many girls would kill for your figure so be proud! Enjoy your life and enjoy your body and one-day when you least expect it you will find a guy who sees you for who you really are rather than just as a "cute" girl.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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