A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for nearly three years now and it's just fizzled out on my end and I don't know why, he's caring, loving, respectful and everything a person could ask for. It just started very rocky with some horrible behaviour when i had my strongest feelings for him so it started going down before it had really even started. Now at three years he feels more like a friend than a boyfriend, the fireworks have gone, the thought of being intimate with him doesn't interest me and ive tried to spark things up but it hasn't worked. He's still madly in love with me and we see eachother all the time so we're in eachothers routines, we're like best friends, his family love me and my family love him, we have a holiday booked together in a month and the idea of spending all that time together is making me feel really weird. The idea of splitting up from him makes me feel so uneasy and knowing i'm breaking someones heart who says they couldnt live without me doesnt make it much better. How do I go about this? And how do I not punish myself for doing so?
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male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (25 May 2014):
 Like many relationship you have drifted apart and instead of being IN love you now love him like a brother, or a friend. You are (and I assume he is of similar age to yourself) both at an age where you and your lives, feelings, ambitions and so forth are changing as you grow and mature. You may have been right for each other before but now you have probably developed into different people and want different things, or at least are not on the same page anymore.
Bottom line: whether he loves you, his family loves you or the entire population of his home town loves you, the fact is you don't love him in the right way anymore.
Staying with someone to avoid hurting them is no fair on them nor yourself. He may say he cant live without you but really its a figure of speech. He is young and has plenty of time to find the right person, but it isn't you ;-)
Relationships end. Its part of adult life. You shouldn't punish yourself for it. Talk to him, explain the situation and your reasons. I know its hard but sometimes we have to bite the bullet and do things that others don't like.
Realistically he must have picked up on your distant, withdrawn, troubled persona of late? You might find it wont be the big shock you think it will be.
Mark
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2014): Breaking up isn't supposed to be easy. It's usually the worst experience of our lives. You can't stay in it; unless you give back what you receive. Otherwise, it's fake.
We all get our hearts broken. We get dumped, or we have to be the dumper. You're supposed to have compassion and be considerate of his feelings; but you can't lead him on.
That is cruel. You can no longer reciprocate. That doesn't make you a bad person.
If you're between 22-25, you've been dumped at least once. You survived it. So will he. He's a grown man; and he has to face adult situations. It's better you do it sooner, than later. He has to go through a detachment and grieving process. His healing process can begin, when he is able to accept the truth. Holding out, is prolonging his inevitable agony.
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