A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupids, I need advice about my mother, i am so sick of the way we are always arguing, i am beginning to wonder if it is best to break off all contact with her. She constantly puts me down, tells me that i am a horrible person, i am not a horrible person! i am always polite to everyone, would never be mean to anyone, yet she keeps putting me down telling me im horrible, she has no faith in me, she always thinks im going to do something terrible, get myself or someone else into trouble.She accuses me of doing really mean things that i would never do! Okay, when i was younger i made a lot of mistakes and i was no angel but i never did anything bad to anyone, i am older now and more mature, i feel very responsible for my behavour and would never do anything wrong, however i feel like i cannot move forward in life and feel good about the person that i am if she keeps berating me, I had very low self confidence when i was younger, now i feel i am at an age where i think i can be comfortable in my own skin and be a decent person,and feel happy to be me, but its not easy do that when she makes me feel like dirt, i have vowed several times i would break off all contact with her, as it has come to the stage where i actually do feel sick in my stomach from all the arguing and abuse, it is mentally and emotionally draining, but i always end up forgiving her, as despite all the abuse and hate coming from her i still love her, what should i do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): This is a very difficult situation.
I think it would be best if you spoke with your mother about the situation and tell her how you feel. If you haven't already done this, she may be totally unaware that she's putting you down so frequently or maybe perceives her behavior as a way of "helping" you.
If this calm, mature discussion goes poorly, for example, your mother continues to put you down or tells you that you're opinion is rubbish, I would say that you need additional outside help in this situation.
Your mother's continual emotional abuse has brought you down to a level of insecurity that needs to be fixed. Seek some counseling if that's feasible for you financially. Professional counseling can be of great benefit, especially in situations involving emotional abuse from parents. We are all products of our parents' child-raising methods, after all. A counselor could provide you with insight about how to do with your mother, as well as help you build up your self-esteem.
As long as you know you're not a bad person, your mother's mean words should be ignored! If she can't get the picture that she is hurting you, she should seek counseling, too. Hopefully at some point, she will realize this as well.
Best of luck to you!
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