A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It's a long story but here goes...I'm studying abroad in the Caribbean for 7 weeks. I made some friends before coming because I wanted to know a few people, and one of them and I agreed to meet. I agreed to come to his place just over a week ago. We would spend the day together, and then I would go home, I figured. No. His mom served me a delicious dinner and invited me to stay the night. Day after day after day. His parents (dad is a Rasta if this matters) invited me to stay at their house for the next 7 weeks, rent free! I was camping out in a hammock in the middle of nowhere in the mountains, basically, and figured why not; I went home and got my backpack full of belongings, and came back. Guy has a GF. I knew this before I came and we didn't flirt or anything. I didn't want to mess with it. On the site where we got in touch (interpals; I've met people from around the world thanks to the site), he has albums full of pics of his GF. He was rather open about it. Nonetheless, he started asking me a bunch of sexual questions my very first night there (the house is like 200 square feet w/5 ppl and we sleep in the same twin bed) and well, we had sex. I'd been cheated on before and decided that since I wasn't the one being hurt, I would just enjoy myself. And he lived up to the Jamaican male stereotype; I sure did enjoy it.Anyway, his GF is from here but she's now an American citizen. She's super pretty--a heck of a lot prettier than I am if I may say so myself--and they talk CONSTANTLY, like 3 hours a day+, and it's like he never gets sick of it. Myself, I think my record with my old boyfriends was maybe 2 hours in a WEEK, but anyway...So yeah, they talk constantly. And yet he'll ask me to tell him naughty things he should say to her, and if he's busy in the room for a moment, he'll have me talk to her as if I were him. Sometimes when they're talking, on cam, on the phone, etc, he'll let me give him head during the conversation, and half the time when he's on cam he isn't even looking at her--he's looking at me, though as I understand it she hardly ever notices. He's shown me books and books of pictures of her and him together. I don't get it. I'm 10000000% NOT getting romantic feelings for the guy and I sure as heck am NOT jealous of his girlfriend who will someday catch him; he's a huge dirtbag, obviously, if a good friend regardless. Furthermore, where I'm staying, men are KNOWN for being big cheaters; I knew all about it before I came here and vowed I would NOT develop feelings for any of the men, no matter how much they swooned and how good they were in bed. So far so good.But what's the deal with his GF? He insists he loves her and talks about her all the time, whether to me or to his friends. I can't help but think he's living a lie, putting on a show because he thinks that's what he's supposed to do or whatever as he waits for his big return in the end. They've been together 11 months but have only spent 2 weeks together, if I remember right, with her spending 2 weeks (last time was last July) in her homeland.What do you think? Maybe I shouldn't even care, but I sleep next to the guy at night and see him all the time and hear his incessant conversations with his gf and am ASKED to get involved; does this sound like anything more than a guy waiting to snatch up a marriage visa and a green card? Or is this just another example of how guys are "wired differently" from women and how a man can bone one girl and love another one at the same time without blinking an eye?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011): He's just a player. He doesn't love either one of you. I hate to say it so bluntly, but get out of this relationship. If he can do it to her, he can do it to you, and probably already is.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011): He's just happy with the thrill of having both of you to fill different needs. With you obviously he gets his immediate physical needs met since you're there and you're willing and you don't mind that he talks to his girlfriend on the phone or cam while you're giving him head. With her, he gets to have romance, companionship, shared stories, whatever else...I don't think he's "with" her unwillingly. I think he fully enjoys her attention obviously and having her in his life in this role. Just as he enjoys having you in his life in your role.So now you want him all to yourself - if you didn’t you wouldn't be obsessing about what's going on in his head because you want to know what are the chances he'll drop her and be with you and you only. Well I think if you really want to know, and you are not a mind-reader, then ask him. You may not like what you hear though. If it's culturally accepted for him to do this, then he doesn't see anything wrong with it so why should he feel the least bit uncomfortable with the situation?
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A
female
reader, taylor_jane +, writes (19 February 2011):
You've been cheated on before? You've felt that awful pain and you did it anyway? In front of the woman?! I understand you want to have a good time, but go for a one night stand... with someone single preferably. No, he doesn't love her. I'm not judging you because you're probably just looking for a thrill, and hey, we've all made mistakes. I wouldn't continue a sexual relationship with him though.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): The Walking Dude: no, I don't have feelings for him. I'm curious because, if this is a case of green card love, I've been in this girl's exact same shoes before. So it has me intrigued. And yes, we use protection. And I don't want him to care about me; as soon as he mentions anything about wanting to dump her and that he likes me or anything like that, I am OUT OF THERE.Marieclaire: "get a real boyfriend. Aren't you worth that?" I don't want a boyfriend right now, plain and simple. I'm traveling constantly. I'm in college. I'm not ready to settle down and all of that junk. I'm having the time of my life and sure as heck don't want to be missing some guy back in the U.S., spending my last dollar on a waste-of-time phone call just to hear his voice and yet wonder what he's up to out of my sight. So no, thanks. I'll take my friends with benefits just as I have over the last year.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): Does it matter if he loves his girlfriend or not? You clearly don't care about her feelings anyway.
I quote: I'd been cheated on before and decided that since I wasn't the one being hurt, I would just enjoy myself.
I think you do like this guy because if you didn't you wouldn't be wondering about his feelings for his girlfriend. I hope you used protection because who knows what he might have.
He may well care about her in some messed about way but one things for sure: he doesn't care about you.
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