A
female
age
41-50,
*eorgina1
writes:I'm terrified of giving birth again. I know you probably get this alot but i dont know what to do.I had the most awful time the first time round, i was abroad so nobody could understand me and visa versa, they wouldn't give me any pain killers (i couldn't stop shaking long enough for the epidural)and all this lasted 31 hours. i honestly cant do that again, im shaking now with tears in my eyes thing of this. I know i decided to get pregnant again but i really want to have a another child.In the end i was so tierd i couldn't even feel my body to push (just pain), they knocked me out and pulled him out cutting me hole to hole and down my leg in the process.Apparently it was a dry birth? Although it was only for a second,i did think of having an abortion, this has woken me up to seek help. so please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): You really need to talk to your GP and get some help. Your midwife should also be able to help you offload your traumatic birth experience.I can also recommend reading any books by Ina May Gaskin. Birth can be a wonderful enjoyable experience. With the right help you can have one this time, and help heal the pain of the first.Try here too http://www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (3 May 2009):
 I didn't have the nicest maternity experience last year so you have my sympathies. You need to alert your midwife to your concerns right away and nearer the time you can obviously push for an elective c-section, based on your psychological trauma related to the previous natural birth. They have an ethical duty of care not to leave you in a terrible situation, and if you get a good midwife she will be pushing for your care. I would add that you should ask the GP to refer you to the special antenatal care service operating in most hospitals for high risk antenatal care - they will be more inclined to listen to you. If you think your GP and midwife are dismissing your fears then get an antenatal referral to a psychologist, psychiatrist or counsellor who can write a report outlining the concerns and how they affect you.
Many hospitals don't like giving c-section on request (it costs more for one and there are post-op risks to mother). But you can get one if you push for it in the right way - when I was 8.5 months pregnant the consultant wanted to do manual rotation on a breech baby, but I had pre-existing medical conditions and a uterus abnormality so the Royal Society of Obstetrics guidelines said he shouldn't be doing that. I refused to consent to the procedure as a result and they tried to scare me that c-section was awful bla, bla, bla...I am not saying it is a picnic in the park, but if you have good friends and family to help you after the birth and you are THAT scared about natural birth then I think you should be entitled to have one. Good luck!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): Please know that if you are in the UK now you must discuss your experiences with people who can 100% support you and I am sure you will NOT have to experience this terrible trauma again. Childbirth trusts and other organisations offer advice. If you feel your GP is not listening please get a referral. As other posts have mentioned you need to manage your fear because, though I am not expert on birth, I do know that the mind affects the body and your fear will not help you in this immensely physical experience. I think you need to find an organisation or birthing arrangement that understands what you have been through and can offer you more control. It sounds as though you felt completely out of control and the pain you suffered remains locked in with emotion now. Discuss the options for early pain relief this time around. Do not feel you have to keep your past experiences hidden. You are not alone and other mums to be can also offer support to you. You may consider some hypnotherapy, acupuncture or other approaches such as Emotional Freedom Technique which help people deal with trauma - find out all you can now as the more action you take now the less sense of fear you will have later. Lots of luck.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (3 May 2009):
 Doctor time.
You are dealing with left over trauma from your previous experience. While it is not exactly my field I do know there are support groups for women who had cesarian. Apparently that can be traumatic too. Perhaps there is something for you as well.
Seek support, are following classes? You should be under medical care at least. Explain your feelings. You are not alone in this so ask for support. And tell your partner as well about your fears. He cannot relate directly but he most certainly can't if you don't share your feelings.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): I can't add to this. Not my area at all. My thoughts are with you.
talk - talk to the midwife, Talk to the doctors, talk to the nurses - explain your nerves.
You need to be strong and focused, not worrying about what they are doing. I suspect this one will be really easy.
Big Hug, Star.x.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (3 May 2009):
Go and talk to your midwife, tell her what happened and how scared you are. She will be able to talk about all your choices and WHY it is DEFINITELY going to be different this time.
And then cancel any holidays you have booked around the due date.
You will be in the UK this time and you will have people with you who you know.
If you let the doctors know that last time was horrible then they can take a bit of extra care with you. There are lots and lots of ways to stop the pain and with the NHS you get to know what your options are and make informed choices.
Talk to your midwife and she will be able to calm you down. It's going to be very different this time.
Good Luck!! xx
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