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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hello!I wonder if you guys can help me? I'm in a fantastic long term relationship with a guy I am totally in love with. The issue is that our attitudes to sex seems quite different and I get quite frustrated about it. We do not have sex half as much as I would like to - probably only 2/3 times a week when I would prefer most days.When we do have sex, most of it is good. BUT one major thing that I feel totaqlly clueless in tackling is oral sex. I would happily go down on him forever, but he doesn't reciprocate. I am so confused...I have had quite a few partners and generally they have LOVED it. I have broached the subject but with poor result...I think it just made him defensive!Generally, it feels like I want to have sex more then he does. He is a fantastic boyfriend and my best friend and I am pretty sure we will soon get married and have babies BUT it concerns me that we don't talk about things like this and he doesn't want to...when we do, I think he thinks i am attacking him! So Q. Boys! Is how do I broach this subject(if at all verbally!) in a wya that will ensure he is receptive. My ideal would be NOT to talk but encouraege him somehow else! Ideas on a postcard please!! x
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2006): Ho-ly, if you're imagining walking down the aisle with all this in tow, you seriously need to stop and re-evaluate your life. I know people like to wish away these kinds of "matters of the flesh" when speaking of true looooooooooooove, but try and be a little more pragmatic. If you can't work this out beforehand, being married is going to make the problem WORSE, and eventually this slow rot will spill out of the bedroom and sink its tendrils into that selfsame true looooooooooove that you thought would fix it up so summarily.
Before you even think of getting hitched, you both need to arrive at some kind of satisfactory compromise where sex is concerned. If you're reasonable, he may be willing to give a little more than he is used to, and you may need to accept a little less than you would like, but that's how it goes. If you can't live with that arrangement now, it won't be any better years down the line.
From the sound of things, it may not be that he's lacking in sex drive necessarily, but may be self-conscious about his prowess as a lover. Be gentle with him when you breach the topic of sex, and maybe be a bit looser with praise for him. Even if he ostensibly shrugs most of it off, it'll do wonders for his ego. If he perceives himself as capable of pleasing you, he'll be far more eager to do it more often.
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