A
female
age
41-50,
*rokenhearted1973
writes:About the beginning of last month my husband started acting different. One morning when I woke up, I decided to go onto his MSN and his facebook to see what I could find. On his MSN hotmail he had an email from an adult sex site. I got the password and logged into his account. His profile read that he was just seeing what was out there. Then it said he was looking for discreet relationship, erotic chat and sex. I was crushed. After this I went into his facebook account and there was email messages from a woman he works with. Most of the messages were just regular chat but one read that she was bored at work without him. I checked her facebook profile and on one occasion she wrote wishing Brian a good night, Love you! He hasn't been spending any time away from home, he hasn't been working more hours, but they work at a hotel. I have been getting panic attacks because of this. We have been together for 15 years and have 3 children.The other day I went to pick him up at work and she starred and glared at me. Is my gut right about this situation? I confronted him about the adult website and he told me it was a hacker. I don't believe him or trust him,when he's away from me. What should I do? I'm trying to catch him but I'm not sure how to!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): Whatever you do, don't ever let him know if you snoop, or he will just start covering up his tracks or changing passwords so that you can't check.
First, get a spy program at webwatcher.com, then watch his activities over the course of a month....DO NOT LOOSE YOUR COOL AND CONFRONT HIM BEFORE THAT because he won't give you a second chance to 'catch' him!
Then come back here and let us know what's going on and someone will be able to guide you from there on....Don't worry about the whole...you are invading his privacy that MEN typically spew at you. This is not a private act he is engaging in, it is a secret act. A private act is something others know about but are allowed to do, a secret act is something someone does behind your back that they wouldn't dream of having you know about. There is a huge difference, there is no room in a marriage for secrecy. Putting an ad on an adult web-site when married is WRONG. Unless you and he are swingers.
Now be careful what you do....this is a tricky situation and you can't count on him to tell you the truth...you've already found that out.
A
male
reader, OhLawdWhat DoIDo  +, writes (30 June 2008):
 A hacker decided to use his msn account to make an account on an adult website? That doesnt make any sort of logical sense and is pure BS. I am 100% sure that it was not a hacker.
Confront him again about the account, ask him to tell the truth as to why he made it, talk it out, see what you can find out. Make sure he doesnt stick to the "hacker" story, he made it and you know he did.
I'd tread carefully if I was you though, obviously hes not satisfied with some aspects of your relationship and so you need to do your best to repair it where possible. Also note that you have invaded his privacy, whether just or unjust he has a right to be annoyed at you for your actions. Relationships are based on trust, treat others how you wish to be treated yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): Hire a dectective if you think he is cheating on you. I think you can trust your gut it usually never lies, but I am not sure the coworker is having an affair with him if her emails are regular chat, but she may want to do that....hopefully your husband is too smart to get involved like that at work.
If he has a profile on a sex site, some hacker did not take the time to do that....it may be that he is just curious and cruising the site to see what kind of responses he gets with no intention of acting on them, but then he may decide to live out his fantasy.
Before you go all ballistic with him there is an obvious problem with your marriage, you may have a part in it too, but your husband is not behaving in a healthy way either for himself or for your marriage.
Sit him down and in as nonconfrontational a way as possible, tell him that you snooped and why and that you know about the sex site account and ask him if he is unhappy with your sex life, and why won't he talk to you about it instead of doing what he is doing? Tell him it gutted you, and you are scared and upset....ask him if he will go to some marriage counseling with you so that you can get to the bottom of things and improve your relationship. If he won't go, then you make an appointment with one as you may need to process your emotions amd make a decision about what you will do with this marriage, you after all are the only person that you can change.
Your suspicions may be right or they may be over the top, it could be that you sense he is not happy and about to leave.....don't throw in the towel, see if you can't work it out with him first.
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