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female
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*runo
writes: I have just got engaged and am having a party in a month. My fiance's dad and his dad's side won't come to the party as he is divorced from his mam. They have always had an OK relationship; they didn't hate each other after divorce. I am devastated by this. We are supposed to be getting married in 2007. My fiance, although I know he's upset, has accepted this and is going to carry on as normal after the party. I feel so angry at his dad as we had a good relationship before this. How can he do this to us? Or his son? How can my fiance just pick up where he left off with his dad after this? Please help. I don't know what to do.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2005): Dear, there is nothing you can do except try to understand that this comes down to mature 'choices'. You feel hurt for your fiancee and that's understandable but let it go!You must choose whether to allow this issue to wreck your happiness or you can just simply carry on, and enjoy the love and support of the family that do attend. I get a feeling, there could be some deeply rooted, hard feelings between the father's family and your fiancee's mother. In which case, Dad is wrong to not attend. He should be there, irregardless. I am amazed how some divorced parents still inadvertently hurt their children (adult or otherwise), to prove a point to the opposing parent his Mother). Hopefully, Dad will come to his senses and gain a backbone and attend in spite of what his own family feels. I hope for your fiancee's sake, they can all stop playing this hurtful game with everyone's life and put their differences aside for the wedding day. But if they can't-ask yourself-do you want angry, bitter family members attending your party?
As for your party, this will be your choice whether you'll actually lose much by this-which I hope, it's 'not' going to be a lot. It appears your fiancee has accepted this, graciously. Take note of that! Ask yourself, is it really worth the stress, anger and frustrations. You can't change the situation, so just get on with it and decide, as a lot of people do, to cut your losses and have a wonderful engagement party, where petty, bitter squabbles won't interfere with your happiness. Be thankful for that, dear. Perhaps your finacee realizes this, as he grew up around these people.
So...the bottom line is that it's you and your partner's party and you're should be allowed to enjoy it. It's about you and your fiancee's celebration of love and the. You're the most important people there, so just forget the family that have chosen not to come, and take joy in celebrating with the loving support of all the wonderful friends and family that will be there. I wish you the best of luck and a very happy marriage. Take Care and good luck
Hugs,
Irish
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