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female
,
anonymous
writes: My husband (together for a total of 10 years) has just told me he slept with a prostitute and thought he had caught something but had not. We have two young children. He promises it was just the once and would never do it again. We were having sex about once a week and getting on well. I just feel so betrayed and wonder if we can get over this and if I can trust him again.
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female
reader, Nessiew +, writes (21 October 2005):
Dear Anon
I don't know when you found this out, but I have exactly the same situation with my husband ( 8 years).. I found out my husband visited a prostitute back in February ( I only found this out five weeks ago) My husband is a very placid and kind man and a great father to our four kids, at that time life was fantastic, I had just organised a surprise birthday party for him ( 40th) and we had loads of money in the bank-the kids were sleeping through the night, so we weren't tired and our sex life was good, not a prude I would consider our sex life exciting.. HOWEVER that all aside he still went to a prostitute and paid her money to perform a sex act on him, and I cannot get over it, it torments me every minute of the day, I am constantly trying to find the reason behind what would have made him do it.. when I first found out as far as I was concerned it was over, but we did talk and for the sake of the family I felt I could get over it, the first week was excellent, but now I am left with an empty void, and such a feeling of disgust and disapointment that he broke the marriage vows in that way, that i am seriously considering leaving.. Had it been an affair, I may have got over it, but the torment I have in my head of this strange woman with my husband feels me with anger and hurt, plus I don't actually think now that that was the first time, as it just doesn't make sense that out of the blue he went to one at a time when all was well... I hope that you can sort it out with your husband, and maybe you are a lot stronger than me.. but I so understand how you must be feeling.. and I am sorry as I know exactly how it feels.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2005): It's certainly understandable that his confession has led you to question your whole relationship and what it stood for, in your heart. At the moment you are feeling very hurt and betrayed, and it must be very difficult to see anything clearly. Irregardless of what others will tell you, when answering your posting on this forum...you must remember, only you can decide whether or not to end the relationship. You have to do what is best for you and your family. I cannot comment whether your decision will be right or wrong because you are the person living this situation and we are not here to judge. But I can say, that trust is a vital element in any relationship and at the moment it may be extremely difficult for you to trust your husband or feel that you could never trust him again. A relationship needs to have good communication. Being open and honest in a relationship can sometimes strengthen the bond between two people. However, by him being completely honest with you, this is a case where it can be painful and it will take time to work through. Knowing what you know now, will mean that the relationship changes. You have to ask yourself some serious questions and make your decision. Do you think this is something you could ever forgive? Do you feel that it will always hang over the relationship? If you stay together will you hold this against him in the future? Sadly, you have now become aware of a side of him that disgusted you. Clearly your beliefs regarding this differ greatly, but whether you can accept this from a life partner is another thing. Only you can decide that.
It can sometimes really help to talk things through with someone. Talking can sometimes help us to get our head around a situation and decide how to move forward from here. I strongly suggest you and him go to couple counselling to get this worked out. .It's perfectly understandable that you would want to try to work things out after ten years together. After all, you have probably invested a lot in this relationship already. I wish you both the best of luck and do what's best for YOU and your kids,
Hugs,
Irish
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A
male
reader, Ricardo +, writes (20 October 2005):
Hello- We men can be a shallow lot sometimes, and once we start thinking with our wobbly bits we are pretty useless. i guess all we can do is ask for forgiveness- if it was only the one time, and maybe felt he needed to be a hunter again just to see if he could do it. He obviously puts a lot of trust in you tell you this, and possibly deserves a second chance- it is a deep betrayal and you will need to look inside yourself to see if you truly forgive, or harbour something to bring out in the future. Good luck.
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