A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I have been going through this since long and I just don't know what to do about it. I dated a guy for 5 years. He was my first love, first kiss, first everything. . We were really close, made each other so happy and had an amazing connection. I know he loved me too. But we both made mistakes, fought so much and when it got beyond control, he ended things saying he can't suffocate me and be so pathetic himself anymore. I know I could've prevented those fights. . I don't want to ponder over would've, could've now..We didn't keep in touch for almost 1.5 years and then I got back in touch. . he avoided replying to me saying he hasn't moved on completely and he miss me a lot. Since he was leaving the city yest, i asked him to see me one last time. We met, we both felt that amazing connection again, both confessed we have been single all this time . . I hugged and kissed him and cried a lot after he left. I know we both are not possible and we can never be together. I know he loves me too. I told him he'll find someone amazing in the new city now and he hasn't replied to me. I know he won't. I saw him standing outside my place just looking at me with tears in his eyes. Sounds dramatic but it's true.I just wonder what will it take to forget him? Will I ever be able to move on and fall in love again? Friends tell me all sort of things like you're better off without him and time heals but been 1.5 years. My life still feels so incomplete and I know I'll always miss him. How can I feel 'normal' again? Life seems so unfair and I miss being happy. But I cant even deny the reality that we are over .
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 October 2015):
 Aidan is right.
You are holding on to the hope that you can have what you "lost" with him again. And as long as you hold onto that? You will NOT move on.
And neither will rehashing the past. The reason you two fought was (most likely part immaturity and part incompatibility) - it happens and YES you will get over him, once you realize that you ARE a complete being with him (or anyone else) you are not half a person when single. You are WHOLLY you. Now you might miss the good times you had, and that is normal, but you can have good times (down the line) with someone else.
Wish him well, let him go. Don't pine and yearn for something that can't be. It's a waste of time.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (24 October 2015):
I’m sorry but it hasn’t been 1.5 years, with respect. It was yesterday that you last saw him. By keeping in touch and by continuing to confess your feelings for each other, you are keeping the hope and the memory of what was alive, and if there’s no chance that you could end up back together, that is preventing both of you from moving on. Of course, immediately after a split, those clichés about moving on and time being a healer feel very hollow but they are true. The trouble is that by keeping in touch you are stuck in what might be called the grieving stage for the relationship that you used to have. I’m afraid the only way to move on is to really wish each other well and move on and that means saying goodbye for good and not keeping in contact. Get on with your lives and start to deal with your feelings, rather than bury them by hanging on to him just enough to prevent yourself from letting go, which you now need to do.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2015): Time.
I wrote a similar post years ago, and as much as it sucks, the only thing you can do is keep busy and you'll heal, eventually.
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