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I'm stuck having feelings for 2 very different guys with different feelings for both...Do I go for mental or physical attraction?

Tagged as: Dating, The ex-factor, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 April 2008) 4 Answers - (Newest, 19 April 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I'm stuck having feelings for 2 very different guys with different feelings for both...

I was with my ex boyfriend for a year, lived together, the relationship was more based around me being attracted to his personality than looks, and we have an amazing chemistry, we just get on so well. It was only his inability to cope under pressure that we broke up. 4 months on, we are back on good speaking terms, and he wants me back.

He doesn't know I have been casually dating someone else for 3 months, who I have an amazing spark of passion for, it's really based on physical attraction alt5hough we do get on well, just not on the level I did with my ex.

I really like both guys for different reasons...But my real question is, what predominantly makes a relationship tick? The amazing connection on a mental level, or the passionate spark I have for the second guy?

View related questions: broke up, my ex, spark

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A female reader, duskyrowe United Kingdom +, writes (19 April 2008):

duskyrowe agony auntIf only you could combine the two men into one, amazing sex and fantastic personality. Relationships should not be based on sex alone, you have to have some common ground.

I would go for the guy who is more mentally stimulating than someone who only has physical attraction. In other words the package is there but empty in side and vise versa.

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (19 April 2008):

I had an amazing mental connection with my first boyfriend, but not much of a physical one so I know exactly where you are coming from.

When we split up I thought I'd never find that connection again.

But my advice to you is this. You can have both. You shouldn't have to choose.

If you are attracted to other men then you shouldn't get back with your ex. You'll be trapped and looking at other men forever, wishing for that passion that you don't get at home.

If you don't have anything other than good sex with your new guy, then I think we both know that it won't last long.

Leave them both and wait for your perfect guy to come along. They are out there.

Good Luck!! xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008):

i would go for the one mentally. the other one might be good looking but does he have a good personality?? who seems to be the better friend, and who do you think you would stick with the longest.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I guess my real question is, who do I go for?

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