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age
36-40,
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writes: Hi people! This is my first comment here, I've just signed in because I really need help with this. Also, today's my birthday, so any answers will be appreciated double on this day =)Let's start from the beginning:In 2006 I went to Japan for 2 weeks because I got a scholarship, and so I stayed at this place with a lot of people from around the world. One of those people was this really nice girl from Serbia, Marija. It was love at first sight, although we had the courage to make it happen only during the second week...so we only got to spend a few days together.It all started so magically, with such harmony, I found everything I was looking for in that girl, and more! Every single moment, every kiss, every hug felt just so perfect...But not everything was right: she was in a relationship already, and had had a boyfriend for 4 years, who at the time was taking a course in Hungary. At the moment I didn't care, but once we went back to our countries, I started feeling bad about it.We decided to keep in touch, and it was great even through the internet. We would send each other sms's and emails everyday, and I felt great...That was until I realized she wasn't telling me what she had decided to dowith her boyfriend. After a couple months that bothered me a great deal and I felt how we would drift away from each other, and I eventually met someone else (from Canada this time), and decided to end that relationship.I'm currently on a long-distance relationship with Naomi from Canada. She's a great girl and I know she tries her very best but she's just not as good as Marija. Also, she's 4 years younger than me, while Marija was 4 years older. That made Marija a lot more interesting for she knew so much more and had so much to teach me.Now the problem is this one: everytime Naomi irritates me (which happens very often, unfortunately) I think about Naomi and how things could have been. Even so, I still want to try is with Naomi, I know that unlike Marija, I could trust her to death, and I guess that's what really counts in the long run. But, do you think I'm still in love with Marija? I haven't talked much about my relationship with Naomi, but I guess you all agree that I don't love her, at least not as much as I one loved the Serbian girl.A couple months ago I tried getting back in touch with Marija but she didn't write back. I don't know if I hurt her or if she's just moved on.In any case, what do you think I should do? Keep dreaming that one day I will get back with Marija? Stick with Naomi, who I know I can trust and I know she will always try to fulfill my needs, even if I think she's not capable of that? Or maybe should I start dating someone in my city? Please, I need your advise!!
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reader, starfairy  +, writes (10 March 2008):
 Feel free to email me :o)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for the answers. Unfortunately, things aren't any more clear yet...
Stairfairy, I think you understood me the best, and I would like to ask you for more advice, if you don't mind....
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 March 2008):
 You should date someone in your city.
It is more meaningful this way than long distance relationships which lacks the close intimacies.
Happy birthday to you and may you find the girl of your dream.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2008): I think you need to end it with Naomi, firstly. You should only be with someone you love.Secondly, I think you should not pursue anyone. I agree with starfairy. Pedestal is the word.Just..be alone. The right girl for you will make her own way to you eventually.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (9 March 2008):
If you stay with Naomi, you are settling for second best.
You won't get anywhere with the relationship because you will always be comparing the 2, Naomi isn't as good, but she'll do, basically. But she must know deep down that she doesn't have your full attention. It's not really fair on her to stay with her.
It might work if you were over Marija, but you clearly aren't. You've put her on a pedestal, and it doesn't sound like ANY girl will live up to her expectations.
It sounds like you need some closure with Marija, you need to see that she probably isn't as perfect as you think,
I would pursue contact with Marija, if only to gain closure.
And have a good long think about whether Naomi is the one for you, or if you are just 'settling' because she is there and so eager to please?
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