A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my grandad passed away the start of March. My mum has been grieving really badly and I’ve been being strong for her. Except I’ve been so haunted with a lot of thoughts about death and dying and family memeber dying and my mum dying.... my family have lived till a late age oher 90s but my grandad the youngest of his siblings was only 73 Death is my worst fear and now it’s hit me hard I keep worrying about losing people I love and worry about my mum if anything happens to me. I’m just really scared at the moment and it’s effecting me badly I’m messing up at work I can’t sleep I’m scared about everything to do with loss and I don’t want them thoughts in my mind cause they are negative. I don’t want to put it on anyone I care about cause they’ll worry about me, and I don’t want my mum to feel guilty for grieving cause of me. I just want advice or some helpful words from people
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2020): Regardless of whether there is an afterlife, I believe everything that exists is made of information, and information cannot be destroyed. It exists forever
And who knows, maybe this information that continues is conscious. After all, our physicality creates our consciousness, so information in the same configuration might create consciousness in an information dimension.
There's no way to verify this of course. Those who have truly died and supposedly had experiences while dead can't have recorded anything with their physical brains, so anything recalled after being brought back to life might not be real
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (6 May 2020):
 Do all the grieving you need to, this is an extremely upsetting and stressful time for you and your emotion needs to come out, let it! It’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s natural.
When you feel in a better mental state, you will be more accepting of the situation and that’s when you’ll get your head straight again. Death is inevitable, there’s no two ways about it, it’s coming for everyone. Can we let it submit us into terror where we don’t live our life because of it? Where we are so scared of dying that we let life pass before us? Of course not. Being scared of dying is a normal fear, it’s a scary thought for a lot of people. The thing is though we cannot change it, we could lead the healthiest life possible, exercise, eat clean, don’t drink or smoke or do drugs but you’d still die at the end of it wouldn’t you?
What you need to do is remember all the memories and fun times you had with your family members who have passed on. Relive those moments of joy and be thankful that you got to experience them! Of course it’s sad to think you won’t experience more of them but that’s exactly why you should cherish the ones that you do have! Then go onto make more with your family members and LIVE your life. Stop being scared of something that CANNOT be changed! What kind of life will you end up living if you lock yourself away?
Be there for your family and friends, spread all the love and positivity you can and enjoy the time left you have on earth, fearing death won’t change anything but it sure will ruin your human experience.
All the best for the future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2020): You're experiencing grief, sweetheart. You feel a tremendous loss for someone you loved. Grief makes us more conscious of our own mortality; when we are forced to face the finality of death. Remember, everyone on the planet will someday expire. It's the completion of the cycle of live, and no-one gets a pass.
You don't have to always be strong. You are allowed to grieve, to show your pain, and to cry.
All the feelings you're having are stages you go through when death is hitting-home for the first-time. Maybe it hasn't happened to someone so close to you before. You are also experiencing emotional-shock. Your emotions are overwhelmed all at once; and the brain is trying to register all the feelings that have all gone haywire. The sub-conscience needs time to accept the reality of the loss; and acceptance is a very slow and laborious, if not excruciating, process.
For now, sweetheart, just let the emotions flow. Don't bottle them up. Allow yourself to just let-go. It comes in waves, and you have hundreds of thoughts going through your mind. It's surreal and dreamlike. Like it's happening around you, and you're not actually there. I've been through grief enough to know what you're going through; and what you're feeling.
We can't make you feel better with words. They won't bring your grandfather back, and that's what your heart and mind are begging for. You don't want to see your mothers agony, and you want to wake-up out of all this. You can't control your mother's feeling, no more than you can control your own. You allow yourself to process the loss; until you can accept it.
Your fear of death is only natural. It's only amplified by all the emotions around you. It's also emphasized by all the mourning of others; and all the visuals of funerals. They're supposed to bring you peace; but they just make you feel worse, I think. I felt myself just wanting to be alone. I hated receiving condolences; and being in thoughts and prayers. I wanted to feel like myself, not like my heart and soul had been snatched-away. It felt like my heart weighed more than the rest of my body! Like my head was swelling and about to explode! The sadness is exhausting. Nothing but time will lift it!
It takes time. Weep with your mother. Don't hold-back; because sharing her pain helps her to process. It helps her to feel more than the numbness in her arms and legs. All she can feel is the heaviness of her heart. You being there for her is more than you can ever imagine. Letting her see you grieve with her, also makes her want to comfort you; because that's the natural instinct of a parent. It takes her away from her sorrow, but for a few moments, to see to you. Caring for other members of my family helped me to deal with my own feelings. It will help you to. I didn't try to hide or suppress my grief. I tried to maintain my composure, and maybe some dignity; but I also fell completely apart. It's okay. It all comes naturally. It helps to purge the sadness that builds-up; demanding an outlet.
As for fear of death, once your bereavement settles; you realize you're still alive for the moment. You'll even feel exuberance! You can't foresee or foretell when your expiration-date will arrive. Fretting about it doesn't change the fact it will eventually happen; but time is wasted in fear. Fear doesn't make you live any longer, and it doesn't give you any clues about how or when it will happen. It is just aggravating your grief and keep all your emotions up in the air.
Give yourself time. You will not stop feeling grief, it just becomes more bearable as time passes.
When you stay close to those you still have, and appreciate them more while you have them. You'll feel better, and your fears will subside; because you have no idea what is going to happen two minutes form now! So why let fear build a nest in your brain? Then it will lay eggs, and they will hatch into all sorts of crazy and unbearable things. Don't give-in to it! Chill!
Love your mother all the more. Get plenty of sleep, and force yourself to eat healthy. It helps to soothe the "edginess" that comes with grief and loss. It calms the spirit; and keeps "anger" at bay. Anger will slip in and out. It is also necessary in the fight back to normalcy. Just don't allow anger to drive you to despair. That leads to depression. That's why you have to feed your body, and rest your mind; because depriving yourself of nourishment and rest causes weakness. You'll feel all the more depressed.
Please avoid alcohol, or drugs. Grief has lead far too many people to abuse and addiction! Take only what a doctor prescribes, but don't go asking for prescriptions. If worse comes to worse, and you need a doctor; then it will be decided what you'll need. Taking care of yourself will attribute to good health, and longer life!
Sweetheart, don't try to rush yourself. It won't work, and words won't help much either at this point. If you have a faith and belief in God and worship; then you must also pray. It also brings comfort and peace. It makes fear go-away as well. If you don't believe, God gives what is called grace. Grace is a gift, that isn't earned or asked for; He just does it out of love. It gives inner-peace and rest for the soul and spirit. He will also send the right people to be around you, who give you comfort and love.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2020): You can get non addictive tablets from your doctor if you cannot sleep due to stress.
You can explain that this started after a bereavement and it is not uncommon.
You may also need to take anti depressants to give you a little lift just for now.
Plus your doctor may recommend bereavement counselling for you and your mother.
The doctor has to take note if you explain about how your anxiety has affected your sleep.
Once you are getting a decent nights sleep things will be easier and you can proceed from that point.
Nothing you wrote is abnormal so don't worry about that.
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