A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am really struggling in my relationship with my boyfriend. We are in a long distance relationship. I feel like our relationship is in serious trouble and I am not sure how to deal with it. We have been going out for a year and it feels like the honeymoon period is well and truly over and now the hard work begins. Due to bad luck, I haven’t seen my boyfriend in nearly 3 weeks (the first weekend he was ill, the second weekend the car I was borrowing broke down) and I am starting to feel like we hardly know each other. He always told me he likes his space (mainly because of a psycho ex-gf who was pestering him all the time) and finds talking about things, especially emotional things, difficult. I feel like things are very different between us but he says everything is fine. I definitely want to connect with him more than he does me. Ironically, he was the one pushing the relationship forward early in the relationship (which I loved) and suggesting we moved in together and I was the one who was feeling it was too soon, but now it feels like the other way around. I had started to invite him out to things that I like to do because I felt it was unfair of me to expect him to come up with things to do all the time, but I am starting to feel rejected because he always seems to have an excuse as to why he can’t make it. I am quite happy for him to take charge of where we go if he likes because it takes the pressure off me abit, but I would like him to make the effort to do what I want occasionally. He phoned me up once last week and the rest of the time we have been texting each other. This leve of contact is normal for us, but I feel like I want to connect with him more now and get closer and he is resisting. He had said some time ago that he wanted us to organise our time better so that we could see each other mid-week as well as the weekend but when I reminded him of this the other day, he didn’t reply to me for a day and then totally avoided the issue. As he feels like everything is fine, I don’t think he sees the urgency to reply like I do. He is an extremely laid-back individual. We are now mid-week and no arrangements have been made, plus he has made no plans for us this weekend. I am sure he is bored with me and wants to split up with me, but he says everything is fine. I have now made plans to go out Fri and Sat eves and Sun morn. I really want to talk to him because I think I deserve to know where, if anywhere, this relationship going. At the moment, I feel like he is taking no interest in me at all. I want to give him a chance and find out what is wrong, but he denies there is a problem. We have had sexual problems and he drinks a little more than perhaps he should but would these problems cause him to keep me at arms length?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): Thank you for your answer. I am the original poster of the question. Well, we haven't been unable to have sex because it is painful for me. I am currently undergoing tests to see if anything physically is wrong. My boyfriend has since developed sexual problems, which he thinks could be down to his drinking. He is definitely not an alcoholic by any stretch of the imagination, but I think his drinking needs addressing now that it is affecting our relationship. I have been wondering lately if he is depressed as he seems uninterested in everything.
A
female
reader, Curiousbynature  +, writes (13 August 2008):
Drinking, no matter what, always causes problem. Long distance relationships cannot work if you dont put in the effort. Right now it sounds like you are putting in more effort than he is. Its really hard to make these relationships successful, trust me I know. But if he is just brushing all your problems under that rug that cannot be good. Especially if he drinks, its all going to come out and explode on you. You really should talk to him about it and tell him you dont feel like everything is alright. You cant just text either. You need to try and talk to him on the phone, its more personal. Plus, sometimes, I know I do it, with texting you over analyze how they said something and usually they didnt intend it to come out that way. I suggest talking on the phone, its much more personal. Just do it right before you go to bed. Its a secure feeling to know he is in his bed and for him too. And if you are having sexual problems, is it because he drinks? Or has the sex just stopped... if there is no sex, that is not a good sign. Good luck. Keep me in the loop. I'd like to know what happens.
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