A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everybody!I am a gay nineteen year old male, and I have a bit of a mundane problem that happens a lot to gay men. Thus, when I came across this site I saw the perfect opportunity to gain a different perspective other than my own. And possibly obtaining some clarity on this current situation that I am experiencing.Now before I continue a very long winded post, I'll cut the bull and just say what it's about. Recently, I met a guy that intrigues me to say the least. The only problem is, I am having a very difficult time gauging his sexual orientation. Maybe after I lay out some facts you can tell me what you think.Keep in mind that, I am ready to accept the idea that he may not be gay or he may not even like me. After all, I am realistic...and I've been let down worst before. So, I am just going to lay out facts.FACTS:- We've known of each other for quite some time. However, due to his shyness and partly my own; we didn't legitimately converse until about a month ago. Though it's too early to tell, after the ice was broken we seem to enjoy each others company. - In high school, from what I remember he was never part of the cool crowd. However, he hung-out with all of the buff guys. I also know enough about him to know he never really dated anyone until his last year. And recently,I learned from a close source that he was very awkward during the school dances with girls.- It's pretty lucid that I am gay. For Pete's sake we were in an art class together last fall (though we didn't actually converse then, but we evaluated each others' art during art critiques on multiple occasions) and most of my themes were very homoerotic.I am surprised that he had an artistic side, and he never said anything bad about my work.- In addition to the the info. I know about him from when he was in high school. I know he was enrolled in an art class with the same teacher as mine, though we had class during different hours. I also know that his art subjects were/and still are body builder men (primarily) or Elvis Presley. (Very weird fact, we were both very involved in art...since then, and still are now.) - He works out a lot. Why would this matter? To me it appears he is trying to covet for something, still trying to figure out for what though. As far as I know from the conversations we have had, he has made it pretty clear that he does not have many friends and he's kind of unhappy with a few aspects of his life. I think he's uncomfortable with his body image [hence the excessive working out] (though he's never explicitly said it.) To be honest, he's a very handsome man and he doesn't really need to be ripped... because even if he was on the heavier scale or he was very thin, he is very charming. - Practically knowing that I am gay, even knowing a little about me in high school. When we first met about a month ago, he worked his way to sit right next to me (By the way every time I have class with him now, he always sits right by me...and he comes early and so do I just so we can chat.) Naturally, at first I didn't read too much into it. However, this kind of changed with our first conversation when he pretended not to know my name, and then he asked me for it in that sweet soft spoken voice of his*.*This makes no sense since we've known of each other since high school (I forgot to mention I was the French Club president of a group of 15 peers and he was in that club.)And if that wasn't enough, we had a very small painting class that we were both enrolled in the last fall. So it's a bit difficult to comprehend on how he approached me for information. He also asked me if I graduated the same year as him. And I think he knew the answer, just like he knew my name. However, it was his way of breaking the ice with me. It may not have been in a romantic way, but then again it could have...Final note--I guess it's not entirely based on the small facts I stated (that can very well be misinterpreted from my part.) It's also the about the body language that he presents while I speak to him. From the awkward moments of eye contact to the way he smiles to whatever stupid remarks I make, even to the way he responds back and becomes very engaged in our conversations---This all just instills more confusion in me.Sorry for elaborating so much...If he's just an awkward man, I'd love to be his friend. As we share mutual interests such as art and staying in shape, and a lot more. However, if he is gay...I swear, I am ready fall in love with him, because everyday that I see him I receive some very good vibes from him.Thank you all. And for those who take the time to even read through it, I appreciate it. For those who bother to provide feedback, I am infinitely grateful and words are not enough to express my gratitude for taking the time to read and provide a stranger with some very helpful advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI haven't been doing much since I last logged on here, which is a mere reflection at my progress in making a move or finding out about his personal preferences really. I think, in any other given situation I am more than confident I could break the ice, but because quite frankly our friendship has developed a structure...in which we talk about everything else besides girls, guys, etc. It's very difficult to decipher that side of him. In terms of actually, getting closer. We seem to be reaching at least a very decent level in our friendship, maybe as we get more closer I'll learn more about his sexual preference. Until now, I've made some pseudo progress.I've asked him about his schedule and whether or not he was free, and he agreed to take time from his free day in which he just stays home anyway to go out and study with me. I doubt that really counts for much though. Also, I did learn one thing about him that I didn't know of him from high school, he did drama his first year. I know, I know. That is not enough proof, however, in combination with other interests I know of his, he's either gay or a hetero man with a bit of gay interests. And my "gaydar" is really failing on me, because I am not entirely convinced he is, but then again he could be. Aside from that, under no circumstances would I deem "stalking" to be cute...however, I had to rush to take care of personal business. Usually when we say goodbye outside, he goes off in a different direction. Since I told him I'd see him later in the classroom we were in, I rushed out the door, but this last time I noticed he trailed right behind me, in the path I usually take for my class. And he must of stood near my next classroom because, when I went out we "coincidentally" ran into each other, I knew as I left from the corner of my eye he was behind me, but proceeded anyway. My only two theories are either he took a new path to be adventurous, or he followed me. I really hope it was the latter :)I don't think I ever thought a day in my life, I'd like to be followed by someone I am barely getting to knowMarieclaire, thanks for the following advice. It means gold to me, and I am sorry for coming off to annoying elaborating so much on this problem of mine...I just am so intrigued by this entire situation. I've never had something like this happen, because when someone is also overtly gay...it's really easy to talk about love, going on dates, etc. However, when you can't even determine if they like guys, girls, or both. It becomes a problem. We've known each other almost for a few months...and still nothing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay this situation just gets more confusing. On one hand he never seems to check anybody out. On the other hand I've tried mentioning attractive girls and guys and he doesn't really say anything. While I agree he might just want my friendship, there are subtle signs that he's equally as interested in me. For example on tuesday we talked a lot during our free time and joked around, once class was over I have this tendency of just rushing out of class and getting to where I need to be. However, as we left yesterday it took me a few more minutes to leave the class room and he was already outside he waited for me to tell me goodbye :) it was so adorable the way he did it...ahh, I need to get to the bottom of this because I am ready to come into terms of just friends, but if he is gay I want to ask him out
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): Lol... The way I do it is become closer with them and closer and closer to the point we can talk about almost anything. After that, just bring up the topic about girls and see if he's interested in meeting some girls at a bar or just talk about a particular girl you think is hot in mind and see how he reacts...And most definitely you have to come out to him and see how he reacts. It doesn't matter how obvious it is but you just have to say it from your own mouths~ and I guess you can see how he reacts from there oh and btw some random studies have shown that males with counterclockwise hairwhorl are more likely to be homosexual than males with clockwise hairwhorl but that being said it doesn't meant that he has to be gay if it's counter or straight if it's clockwise 8D lol goodluck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2010): Well, it may be the way that you presented the facts, but whether he is gay or not, he seems interested in you. So I'd say that you should pursue him. If he identifies as straight and is confused by these feelings, maybe you shouldn't present it to him as anything "gay" but just as romantic feelings between two people. I'm not sure why, but lots of guys are really intimidated by "being gay" so it'd probably be safest to avoid any mention of homosexuality. Oh, this means that it may really freak him out if you want him to be the bottom during anything sexual, so that may be something to keep in mind...
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reader, KernowWarrior  +, writes (24 February 2010):
As a gay man with excellent gaydar, my advice is to watch who he is checking out. He is a man, and one thing a man gay or straight (as any woman will testify) cant stop is checking out good looking talent. Watch his eyes! If a goodlooking person, male or female passes, does he check him/her out. This will indicate what sex he's attracted to. This is a sub-concious reaction so if it does turn out that he's checking out the lads, it doesn't mean that he is comfortable with his sexuality or even realises it yet, I wish you luck.
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reader, AvgGuy1 +, writes (24 February 2010):
 MarieClaire has some good ideas... but if you're trying to figure out whether he's really gay or not... don't be so specific. If he's not 'out' or obvious... it might scare him off. I would drill into what he does in his free time, weekends, after class, etc. Find out what he does... where he hangs out might be a good indicator especially if he hangs out with 'friends' and isn't very specific about who his 'friends' are.
Im,Only,Human has some excellent ideas. Figure out how YOU can spend MORE time with him OUTSIDE of class. Maybe you can work on a project together, study together, go to a museum together or something.
Eventually... your relationship will take the right track... gay or otherwise.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMarie Claire
First and foremost thank you for your wonderful input. It really means a lot to me.
A lot of what you have said leads me to believe that he is just interested in a friendship and that he is indeed heterosexual; which is also fine by me. Though I can't help but analyze the small signs. For example,
today, I arrived late and he was there (early) but someone took my seat so he got up and it looked like maybe he was waiting for me. When I opened the door he went up and greeted me, of course we didn't sit together. So I had no time to continue learning about the mysterious fellow. Still, normally in a class you'd just sit down and wait for the instructor to begin, and he didn't.
It's as if he was waiting for my arrival, and hoping we could sit somewhere else. Ah it's so confusing.
Well it's interesting in that class in particular for our introductions, we mentioned who we would like to meet if we had any chance dead or alive? He chose Elvis Presley, so perhaps I can implement what you said about Brad Pitt and swap it to Elvis and gauge his reaction.
Im,only,human
Lovely reply, and equally as thoughtful. See that's the thing as I mentioned before, it was a bit awkward as I arrived late and someone took my seat. He was still standing and the minute I opened the door he greeted me, but there was no chair to sit on so I had to find myself a different one far from him. I do agree with you on what you said though in regards to finding leeway for the friendship to either develop or get to the bottom of it, and just ask him out to a coffee shop or something, because unfortunately we haven't hung-out outside of class yet. Anyway, I appreciate the fact you're willing to share your past similar experiences. That's mighty wicked of you.
Again, thank you both so much for your advice. I cannot wait to update this again, hopefully with a resolution. Though that might be a little slower than what I'd want it to be.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2010): It sounds like from what you have said hes after your friendship Mostley and maybe hes the shy type and its his way to get to no you by doing the same classes as you have you met up outside classes if not you should i bet he would like that and thinking about it if i fanced a guy i would go to class early so i could spend more time with him as its what im doing at thd moment going in early to meet up with somd one who i like. From exsprance he just might be gay in some way just do what your doing for a bit longer As said sugest meeting for a coffee and in time things might just come to light best of luck
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