A
female
age
30-35,
*weetest_sin
writes:I know that it could be worse, but I just came out of a four year relationship with a guy who I grew up with. It ended because while we tried to do the long distance thing for the last six months, he 'suddenly' felt like he couldn't take it anymore, like some things were worth waiting for in life but not me, so he gave up on me. Just cut me out of his life, unfriended me, etc.I understand I had played a part in making the outcome the way it was but I'm struggling to be alone. Maybe because we were growing apart, maybe we ran our course. I never felt like I asked for much, we only wrote each other once a day and skyped once a week because of the time difference, but I guess things did get difficult.He started seeing other girls soon after or maybe while thinking about how to dump me, talking to the ones that tried to break us up before, these girls he said he hated, doing things he said he'd never do like drinking, things other kids did, our age he looked down on not long before...it was all over his facebook, he broadcasted and I heard, it's all I can think of too. I mean I'm doing the no contact rule since he left but I can't say I'm 100% strict with myself yet. Though what we had wasn't as beautiful as I remember, a part of me is reluctant to face my future.I don't know what to do, I just feel so rejected. I feel like such a loser. Some days I wake up and I forgave him and the next day I feel like the world buried me alive. It's sad isn't it, while I'm at home crying to pillows at night, he's out and about, not giving a damn.He seems to be having the time of his life now that I'm out of the picture, sometimes I wish I could be as emotionless as he. I mean I'm the one that moved away for college but I'm still suffering, even if we're miles apart. I'm so torn. I mean I felt it coming but I didn't want to believe it. He promised that he'd never leave no matter what happened, but I guess words are just words.How do I get over it all? I know that everything heals with time but it's been nearly 3 months, does it really get worse before it gets better?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2012): You said it yourself - time is a great healer. Any break-up is just awful but in time, you won't have these sad feelings.I think these things could help:1) DO allow yourself time to grieve. The end of a relationship is similar to death - something has ended. Don't try and stop yourself from being upset if you're upset. Sometimes you need to let it out and cry. Allow a specific time for you to do this alone every few days, once a week etc. It sounds a bit silly to have such a scheduled plan to be sad, but it stops you from letting the sadness engulf you and the things you are doing. In time, it's likely that you will find the number of these 'sessions' will decrease.2) Keep things like pictures of you two or anything that reminds you of him out of sight. You don't have to throw them away if you're not ready to do that. Keep them in a draw or box out of sight and don't look at them. One day you will be able to bring yourself to look at them and have them mean very little to you - that's when you can get rid of them.3) Surround yourself with people that make you feel good. Spend more time with friends and family that will always love you and remind yourself of your worth. You are NOT a loser and these people won't reject you. They love you so much and you need to remember that your ex does not and would never have 'completed' you. You can have a good time without him.4) Distract yourself. You're at college. See the opportunity of not being in a relationship - you have more time for your education and can busy yourself worrying about that. You could have more spare time that will allow you to take up a new hobby or spend more time doing one you already have. You could get a part-time job (if you haven't already) and earn some money, gain experience that will improve your self-esteem and allow you to meet new people. 5) Look to the future. Face the fact that your ex isn't in it but it's still so bright! There are so many opportunities for you. Plan things and give yourself something to look forward to. Buy concert or festival tickets, a spa weekend for you and your friends - do something that is going to make you feel great.6) Forgive him. If you don't you'll be carrying negative feelings throughout your life. Forgiveness is a feeling brought on by a decision - and even then it's often not an immediate feeling. You have to DECIDE to forgive him - forgiveness does not come naturally.I believe that as one door closes, another will open, and everything happens for reason. Think of the positive things in your life and everything you have going for you!
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