A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a 40-something woman, and generally speaking I am and have been straight. I have always fantasised about women, rather than men, and have on a few occasions actually fancied other women, but have never done anything about it, nor especially wanted to. A month ago through work I met a woman who is a lesbian, in a civil partnership, in a long and settled and happy relationship. I fell for her immediately, and hard. And I guess she could tell. She has been flirting with me quite a bit and being very warm and very genuine and very friendly, and simply charming, and I have been flirting and friendly and warm and genuine right back. I know she knows how I feel, although we have not really talked it about it as yet, but I dont know how she feels. Is she taking it all very lightly and has no intention whatsoever of taking it anywhere? Or is she as suprised about this as I am?I have dreamt about her every night and thought about her all day every day. I can barely sleep and I am definitely obsessing about her. I am single, have not been with a man for 7 years and right now I dont care if I ever see another man ever again. I want this woman more than I have ever wanted anyone in my life. She totally entices me. And we have been in a position where we have been in company every day for the whole of the month, and every day I dressed with her in mind, every day I have looked forward to seeing her and being in company with her and learning more about her and revelling in her. This has been because of a project we were working on together, but that has now ended. In the normal course of events, we would probably only see each other every few months from now on, unless something happens to change that. I am in such a mess. I dont want to be a homewrecker, and I dont want to hurt anyone else, but this woman has captivated me, and I feel like I want to be with her forever. Of course I fancy her, but it is not just about sex, I genuinely want a relationship with her, to learn more about her and discover more about this wonderful woman. I dont know her well enough to know whether she is naturally flirty, and just enjoying the power of attracting a straight woman, or whether she is flirting with me because she genuinely likes me, and may be as surprised as I am but how this feels.I cannot imagine what advice you can give me, other than keep out of settled relationships and don't cause trouble. I just wanted to say how weird this all feels. I could barely have made it more complicated for myself if I had set out to do it on purpose.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): For completeness, if anyone is reading this, the woman I have fallen for has confirmed that I did indeed get hold of the wrong end of the stick, and that she is not interested in me, being happy in her civil partnership. She was being nice to me, because she likes me, thought of me as a friend etc. All perfectly understandable, it is a terrible shame that I misread the signals, because I allowed myself to hope, and then afforded us both embarassment when it turned out I was mistaken. And of course I now have a broken heart to deal with, but I can handle that. I am pleased that I am now able to confirm to myself something about my sexuality, that I love women too. Scared, if not outright petrified, about the discovery, but pleased too.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): Friday night was such a high, holding hands, flirting, lots of gazing at each other. I was sure that one way or the other we would resolve this over the weekend. And here it is, Sunday night, and nothing.
I'm feeling low and scared.
I believed that the way we had left it, she would have been in touch, either to let me down as gently as possible, or to express a clear interest. But she has been on facebook, and not messaged me. I am really shocked, I thought for sure she would do the decent thing and give me early closure. I did not think she was the type of woman to just ignore me. Unless of course she does not know yet how she feels. Sorry for rambling, I am in a bit of a state here.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): Don't get carried away by the "work" reference in my question, that was just an easy way to explain us working on a project together for a month. We are not employed together. That is not the issue here.
I think the point you make about my waiting now to see if she makes a move is the right one. I have been clear about what I feel and it is up to her now. I should know in the next few days, she will contact me if she is interested, and wont if she is not. This was a very helpful point to have made. Thank you.
The "Obsession" has not been unhealthy, it has been thrilling and exciting not having come on to another woman before, I have been enjoying reading lesbian websites about a whole new world. I promise I wont keep thinking about her all the time if she proves not to be interested, I am not a martyr!
And whatever happens, it has left me a whole new spectrum of potential love-interest!
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (17 May 2009):
 First, be very very careful.
You WORK with her, and any move you make could cost you your job.
Next, if she knows that you like her, and she has not made a move, then take that as a sign.
I think you might want to consider that she may have traits that you find attractive, and if you found those traits in someone else, you might find someone new to love.
My concern is that you seem to be obsessing over this woman who you have not even dated. That will interfere with sound judgement on your part, and again, can cost you more than just a broken heart because you met on the job.
-Frank Kermit
http://www.franktalks.com/radio
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