A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a question that has been on my mind like an obssesion and I can’t get it out of my head. Of course it’s about a guy! I don’t know weather it is important to take it from the start, or if it’s just clear that he is a jerk and I am putting too much thoughts in it, although at this point I feel like I can’t help it.Okey, so more than two years ago I meet this guy in a club. And yes, I have read your article about one night stands.. So I quite get the picture. Anyway, it was this amazing connection I felt with him and we had a fun time laughing and talking. He probably was rooting for me in his head while he drove me home. And he even said that it was better that I went to sleep alone and then we could see each other some other day. Did not happened! I said I didnt like to sleep alone. We did do some things, but not all the” way” way. The next day we spend the day with each other driving up to his place and then to his brother’s place up in the mountains.There we had lunch, hung out and then had sex.(we had a nice time even though we didn’t talk much, he doesn’t speak that much English, so we had some communication problem). By the evening time we talked about comming back later, he was supposed to pick up his parents at the airport. So he drives me home, and insisting on giving me his number (he already had mine) and I said, no, I will see you later anyways so I don’t need your number. So, he drove away and I thought we were gonna meet later on after he had dinner with his parents an so on. Floating on clouds I got into the shower and waited. Nothing. After a couple of days, I did text him ( I know I should have called instead) since I did have his number, texting to my friend the day we were together. No replies, nothing. And I felt stupid, and pathetic to be heartbroken over a one night stand. But I really felt something with him, the way you do when you meet someone that will be the love of ones life. You know, that special feeling.So, two and a half year later. I am together with a guy that adores me and treats me good. But he is not the guy I get excited over, I just love him, but I am not in love with him. However, this other guy, we can call him A (for ass h*le), I find him on facebook and add him. We have been talking on the chat for more than a week, everyday. Of course, he had no explanation on what happend to him, allthough he did say sorry and that he should have called or text me.He is sweet and nice and we talk about everything whenever we are online. He once asked me if I had messenger, but I didnt give it to him. Then there were a couple of times when he asked to see me and I said I already had plans. However, one day last week I said that I was gonna be at this bar and that if he wanted he could drop by. (He knows I have a boyfriend, and like to casually bring my boyfriend up in conversations we have ). I didn’t wanna make like a date, so I said I was gonna be there to see a friend and that I will make an early night. He said he was meeting up an old friend that was visiting, and that he would try to come over.I didn’t have his number nor he mine. I was already late for the time I said I was gonna be there, so I wrote him a message on FB saying that I was at my friends place nearby, but that I was gonna go down to see if he was there, and that I hope to see him. He didn’t come and I went home. Afterwards he texted me sorry for not showing up and that the dinner took longer time than expected. We talked once or twice afterwards, but now he seems totally indifferent and does not lead the conversation. How, what happened? Was it just a game to see if I would come? Why then would he wanna see me in the first place? Now I feel I should not have let him into my life again. Should I erase him from my list altogether? But I really wish to see him. Im still thinking about him. Maybe I am obsessing because of the fact that he once dumped me. Oh dear, I feel such a loser. But what should I do, if I wanna see him? I have never asked him once to meet him, he did that. Should I, even though he seems not to be interested anymore? Please help, I am so attracted to this guy and cant get him out of my head.Please, someone, what can I do?
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female
reader, rednails +, writes (16 October 2009):
Awww I'm sorry to hear about this. This is going to sound harsh but I feel you need to hear it! If he was that interested in you, he would have made the effort. Who knows why he is getting some satisfaction out of hurting you so much, maybe he has had bad relationships with women in the past, maybe he just the loves the chase, whatever it is, it doesn't matter. At the end of the day it seems he's only interested in playing games and the off handed way he is being now is probably because he knows he's got you hooked line and sinker, and knows he can treat you like crap and you will keep running back. Even if you started a relationship with him, he's unreliable and selfish, and it's the mystery of him which makes him so appealing. Also, having a steamy sexaul encounter always makes for a memorable spark, in reality this would probably wear out quickly. I recommend you step away from this pathetic excuse of a man, and concentrate on your confidence. Let the guy you're currently with go as it didn't take much to think of meeting a one night stand behind his back and also you said you only love him, you're not in love with him. Build up your friendships, you never know who you might meet through them and it's good for the soul to see other women perspectives. Also, do all the cheesy stuff like join hobbies or interest groups as they really do help! All the best :) stay strong
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 October 2009):
It's time to seriously look at your love life, and perhaps your confidence. You have a boyfriend, who you're not in love with. First of all, I think you have to split from him. He needs to be able to go and find a girl who loves him and is in love with him, and that's not you. Don't sit around and hurt him, leave him now so he can move on.
Next, ask yourself why yo're attracted to a guy who has hurt you, then moved on, them come back into your life and hurt you again. Surely you realize that he's not the guy for you either? (I hope you do). You lust after him, you don't love him. Both these men are wrong for you. Let your boyfriend go and find someone who does want him all, and you spend time on yourself, trying to find a guy who does want you and who you want. Neither man here is right for you.
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