A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was with my ex for 7 months. We broke it off because i was just coming out of a marriage and needed time to think. It has been a year since our break. He did show his true colors which have not been great. He continues to maintain contact with me every month or so via text or a call. At first the contact was how much he missed me and loved me.. the last time he told me he loved me was in march via text. It has been so confusing for me as i am still in love with him, but i just cant bring myself to want to be with someone who has turned cruel to me. I deserve much better. He went from sweet texts to absolutely cruel texts, like comparing my body to his now girlfriends body etc.. so needless to say i will not put up with the abuse. I am trying to fall back in lvoe with my husband, but cant seem to shake the other guy. The other guy and i had such a great connection, and that is what i miss with my husband. I am not sure why the ex went from love to hate so quickly and what that means. Why does he have to continue to maintain contact with me because it is hard to move on that way? Also why has he turned so bitter towards me? Could this mean that he still is in love with me? About the husband i am seperated from he is a genuinue guy, but there has always been something missing? We have 3 kids and the kids are so imprtant to me that i am trying to get the marriage at least doable. I am not in love with my husband and i feel that we have just grown apart. He and i have been together for 14 years. When we first got together we got pregnant at 19 and have been together since. He loves me but no matter how much i try to force myself to love him it just is not there. I am confused and just want the answer.. How can i love the other man that has turned so cruel to me? Why cant i love my husband? Why do i feel that my ex is still in love with me and cruelty is his only defense now since the sweetness has not worked.. I am not sure why i feel so strong towards my ex and i just want to move on .. I am still so in love with him, however, i dont reach out to him at all ... i feel at this time in my life i deserve something beautiful and natural. I feel he has been so wishy washy that me reaching to him will only hurt me in the long run, so i wait for him to reach out ,which has been pretty consitant every month. He is with someone new now, but asked me to come over to his house, i refused because agian he has too much to prove to me. He asked me to come over and when i refused that is when the cruelty started... please help me guide me.. please just help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): I think it's okay to be in love with him and to accept it. Seriously. You love him and that's that. As inexplicable as it may be, no offense.
BUT this is one of those times where your head has to win out over your heart. This man is NOT RIGHT for you. The right man will be one you feel safe with and won't have to be hurt by so continuously. I hate to sound so cliche, and I really want to get through to you.
Accept you love him but that you can love someone and know that you must not be with them.
If it helps, go out and do things, meet new people. Try not to think about this guy, if you do and start wavering, just remember the cruelty and imagine what you're life will be like in the future with such a person. Imagine having CHILDREN with such a person, imagine what you'd be subjecting the children to.
Who cares how he feels about you, even if he loves you, does it matter? Focus on the fact that you just cannot allow yourself to be with such a person. There may have been good times, too, but remember to see him for ALL he is. Even if he's being cruel to win you back, the point is not that he wants you back, the point you must focus on is that he is capable of treating you with cruelty.
I wish you the best. I hope you make the right decision and treat yourself with respect first and foremost.
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