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I'm still in college and my Bf who is 10 yrs older is concerned hes holding me back!

Tagged as: Age differences, Big Questions, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 May 2007) 2 Answers - (Newest, 4 May 2007)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I wrote a question the other day, but it ended up being interpreted wrong, so I will try to rephrase it.

I have been dating the same guy for 2 years now, and we understand eachother and connect on so many levels. The problem we're having right now is that I'm going to college and he's worried that since he's 10 years older than me, he's holding me back. He thinks that it will hurt my social life if I am tied down by my "old" boyfriend. He is trying to tell me to date someone else so that I can enjoy my college experience, but what he is trying to do isn't right for me at all. He says he feels "he just can't live with himself knowing that he kept me from having the life I deserve." I feel so let down that he feels this way, because he has only given me everything I ever wanted, and I love him so much. I can't bear to think of ever being apart from him.

He is very insecure - he's had a bad family life and he's constantly worried about what he's doing that might hurt me. I love that he's honest with me about his feelings and that he isn't keeping it bottled up inside, but sometimes we get stuck in a rut because of his doubt. He won't talk about his past relationships at all, only the present. What I want to do is help him past this doubt. He's always afraid that he's going to hurt me.

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A female reader, Sunset0000 United Kingdom +, writes (4 May 2007):

Hi

You need to talk to him about this and tell him how you feel about it. If you don't feel held back tell him so. I'm going out with a man who is 18 years older than me and I am 21. I could be off clubbing, drinking etc if I wanted to all the normal 'student' stuff but I just don't want to do any of that, never have and never will. My boyfriend has worried in the past that he's stopping me from being young but really, it's just the way I am. If you're completely happy with the situation you need to get this across to him and let him see that he is not holding you back.

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A female reader, kirandeep333 United States +, writes (1 May 2007):

doesnt matter do u know wat it doesnt matter because as long as u like him and youre parents like and he likes u thats the only thing is important and have sex with so u can have his baby have a night snogging in bed and u will see it doesnt matter

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