A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:For years, two of my relatives have relentlessly interrogated me about school and my personal life in general, to the point of literally cornering me. Their only motive is to get me to buckle under the pressure and prove they're right in thinking there's something wrong with me. Their prying questions often cause me a lot of stress, and in addition they consistently make digs and gossip about my apperance and the way I eat, speak, and act. I was raised to be polite, respectful and courteous to everyone, especially family, and because of this I find it difficult to tell said relatives how their behavior has affected me. They have no problem doing the opposite, listing every flaw they see in me without a second thought. They constantly demand I explain myself with everything, even something as trivial as eating in a certain way, because they have nothing better to do. I feel insignificant and outcast whenever I'm around them, and am often spoken to only when they need something. I'm never treated as a guest in either of their houses, but instead as a servant. I'm so, so close to exploding and finally telling them off. Any advice on how to handle this situation? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your replies. To answer your question,the two relatives in question are close ones, so leaving/not speaking to them would mean I'd only have my mother to speak to and see on holidays. This is why it's a complicated and messy situation. I don't want to cut them out of my life completely, because they're the only family I really have, but I need a way to really get through to them before I end up snapping. My family is very well-versed in using guilt and shame, even passive aggression, and in their eyes finally snapping will only make them see me in an even worse light. I'm normally a very calm and responsible person, and I try to treat others as I'd like to be treated, but in spite of that they only see flaws, so making that even worse is not a desirable outcome.
A
female
reader, CrystalGirl +, writes (3 June 2010):
 Honestly, if i was i your position, I would just tell them off. They have no right to treat you that way. If you;ve never done anything wrong to them, then I dont see why they treat you that way.In my opinion, i believe that maybe they are jealous of you and to make themselves feel better they put you down. I've been in that situation before. The best thing to do is just confront them about it and tell them if they don't like something about you they can just shut up and deal with it. You don't have to change who you are just because they put you down about it.
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