A
female
age
36-40,
*iss cee
writes:im at a loose end here! a guy i have known for 8 years asked me out on a date, aparantly he has been wanting to ask me out for over a year. i went out with him and we got together. we were so in love! we have both had really bad relationships in the past and we both had our insecurities. he told me how much he loved me and had fell for me so quickly, that we got on well, liked the same things, and he made me promise never to leave him or cheat on him. i fell head over heels with him. i have 2 kids and split with their dad 2 years ago. i had suggested that my new man meet my kids, which he was all for at the start then he said it wasnt a good idea just yet. he had also said he would take me on holiday, and then suddenly he changed his mind saying it was to soon. anyway, he works alot and i appreciate that, and we would go 2 or 3 days without seeing each other but keep in contact everyday by text and phone. however, last week i spoke to him on the monday and i hadnt seen him for a week! i had explained that i apreciate he has to work and i dont mind not seing him for a few days but a week is a bit much. so i asked him to come up that evening and he agreed...he never showed up,and never answered my calls or texts. i was starting to think hes just abandoned me, when 6 days later i got a text saying hes been really busy. i thought that was a good start as we were now talking and we could lead from there. i replied to this text, and he did not write again. 3 days later i sent him a text to which he replied an hour later. i then replied to his text and then nothing...its now 2 days after that and i havent heard from him since. he hasnt actually broke it off or for that matter said anything at all. i dont want to call him and make him feel like im pestering him. i just dont know what to do for the best or why he has went like this after what we had...i really thought he was the one. im hurting like hell over this, i just need some kind of explanation!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): How mean..I would not call or text him again, and when (if) he calls you, just act like nothing is a big deal, you don't need to see him, you don't necessarily miss him, you haven't been wondering what's been going on with him, etc. If he does text you back, do not reply with another text. Don't reply at all. Then he may be intrigued enough to call you. I think he either a. met someone else, or b. is freaked out by the prospect of meeting yourkids (serious relationship) I do not think he is just 'busy' as he told you. How could he be so busy that he couldn't call or text you back for days? Noone is that damn busy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008): Well, for one I really hate text messages, I think they are a really lame way to communicate with someone, it is sort of cowardly, as if you feel lack of confidence in the relationship to just actually pick up the phone and talk.
It is an unreliable technology, who knows if he even received your last text.
It could be that all this profession of love from him has started to freak him out, which is kind of normal for guys once they fear the relationship is going well, and they haven't quite decided how attached or committed they want to get.
My advice would be to do nothing....don't get mad that he hasn't called or texted, when he does call act like your happy self and talk about all the things you have been up to....don't stop being you and wait by the phone for him...let him know he is not the focus of your life or the one thing you need to be happy....too much pressure. You may have known him for 8 years, but you have a pretty new romance here, so behave af it is still new and let him bring up the relationship talks.
If for some reason he keeps disappearing on you, then stop being so available, cut back your attention by 70% and act as if you have moved on, don't try to make him jealous with other men, though, that will backfire as fidelity is important to this guy...just let him know you are too keen on his taking you for granted and not calling by being busy and happy with or without him.
This will take the pressure off him, allow him to miss you and sort his feelings out in his own time.
Guys can be blockheaded....what can I say?
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