A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I wonder what happened in our relationship. Has he changed or have I?We are in a Long Distance Relationship, but are able to see each other quite often. The first year we were together was pretty amazing. There was trust and love. We didn't talk as much as we do now, and he went out often with his friends. I always told him to have a good time, trusted him, and never had a feeling if being neglected or coming in secondary to anything or anyone. Although we were long distance, he made me feel like I meant the world to him.Fast forward to a year later. We talk more and he actually goes out less. But I often feel neglected and feel as if I am secondary, a side dish to his main course. He talks to me while he's driving; he talks to me while on the computer browsing the net or replying to emails; he talks to me while eating; he talks to me while ..... There's rarely alone time where he would set things aside to just have a conversation with me. He likes to video conference me, only because it's more convenient for him to eat and watch a video on youtube or where ever. I became very upset one time when we were on the phone and another girl called him, he placed me on hold, came back with the girl still on the other line and told me to hang up that he will call me back later. The girl on the phone giggled and said 'oh sorry'. I hung up. When he called me back, I asked if she was OK, if there was an emergency that he needed to help her with. He said it wasn't an emergency but he just wanted to explain something to her. I said, then why can't he tell her he will call her back? I'm not sure if I'm being overly sensative, but that action hurt me, especially when he told me to hang up in front of her. He goes out until 3am, talks to me during his drive home, once he got home, he still has me on the phone while going on the computer to check email, but once all that is done, he tells me he has to go and doesn't want to talk anymore. Again, I feel like a side dish, but he doesn't understand. He feels I should be accomodating, when he wants to have me on the phone, I be there, when he doesn't I need to disappear.Am I wrong? Am I being too controlling and not understanding enough?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 June 2015):
 If I was you I would make the conversation VERY short if you can see he is busy doing something else. Without explaining it.
If he at some point in time ASKS you who tell him, I feel like it's a chore for you to talk to me, that is why you do it whole "multitasking other things" which means you don't HAVE your undivided attention, and I think I deserve that - it's WHAT I give to you when we talk.
I don't think it's AT ALL too much to ask to be made a priority. Now I can see if he is busy with work, he can't chat, that is fine, he (or you) can call late (after work) and have a conversation.
The thing about LDR's is that in order to keep it alive and well, you BOTH need to communicate and PUT an effort into it. JUST like a "normal" relationship, but you do not have the luxury of being face to face as often.
Seems like YOU have made HIM a priority, but HE isn't making you his priority.
Talk to him.
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