A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I'd love some advice on how to stop myself feeling bored in my relationship as I really want to work on this and save what we have. We've been together 15 months, and now that the passion (from his side) is dying down, I'm starting to feel pretty bored. We both work long shifts, and night shifts at times, but whenever we have days off together, I feel like I'm the one always suggesting things to do, making the effort to do something fun, or to help him feel good (cooking him meals, giving him massages, chilling out and watching films of his choice together, meeting up with friends). We were planning to go on a holiday together earlier this year, but he didn't save up his share of the cost in time, so we had to cancel. And when we see each other, he kinda talks at me about work, money, his friends, for what seems like ages, and I find myself getting bored and frustrated...he never asks me how I am, how my day has been :( I feel he has become too comfortable around me, like he feels he no longer needs to make any effort with me. It's great that he feels relaxed around me and able to confide in me about his daily life, but I would love him to ravish me or surprise me in some way once in a while - is that unfair of me?? I can't tell :(He wants me to move into his flat and live with him, and I'm holding off because I feel these problems will only worsen if we live together. As for our sex life, it was amazing for the first few months :) But it has dwindled for the last few weeks, and again, I feel like I am the one making the effort on that front. I am the one who initiates physical contact (like kisses) at all. I am the one who will initiate tenderness and sexual contact. I am the one left feeling stupid and rejected and sad. We did talk this aspect of our relationship through, and he said he hadn't realised he was neglecting that side of things, that he still lusted for me, and that there will be times when we are rampant, and times when things die down a little. So, on top of everything, it seems my sex drive is higher than his too. When we do spend the night together, he usually cuddles me in bed, pulls my arm around him, and falls asleep :(I do love this man, and he has said he wants us to get married and have a family together, which makes me feel very happy. He is kind, caring, funny and gorgeous! I really do want to make things better in our relationship, but I'm starting to find myself feeling down when I'm around him, as I look forward to seeing him, but feel it's all a little one-sided right now.There are no other major issues at the moment. We don't have any money worries, we don't argue about stuff, we get on well with each other's family and friends, and I have never betrayed his trust. I don't want to make him feel guilty or bad by telling him this stuff. At the same time, I am worried that if things don't change, my flame for him will become extinguished :( I feel like this shouldn't be how a relationship is. What should I do? Thanks.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2012): Lust and Love are not one in the same. If I were asked to base my relationships on Lust or Love, I will take Love any day.Lust is not an ongoing, reliable foundation in which to build a loving, lasting relationship. So do not mistake that the Lust has been replaced by love and the comfort and friendship of a mature relationship.Unfortunately, due to previous dating history, when we move from partner to partner so young in our life and have short term relationships with the hopes they will be long term; what we also are doing is becoming accostumed to the short term relationships where the bedroom life has remained 'new' 'fresh' 'exciting' but has most to do with the lust factor/physical attraction.Then when we are in long term relationships, we make the mistake of comparing the two and well why wouldn't the long term appear to be lacking?If you are really concerned about your relationship and believe it needs to be repaired, why not seek couples counselling by TRAINED professionals. Who will have the time to see you both, hear both sides, and give you informed instruction on what you both can be doing to repair the intimacy of this relationship.I will say that when Men, who are not overly affectionate and big on public displays of affection by nature, meet a vibrant, loving, affectionate woman- it may be such a treat to them, that they just bathe in the attention and not realize they are being lazy and appear unresponsive by not learning by example how that love and attention feels for them and they should adopt this behaviour and reciprocate.I'm thinking that may be more the case than actual disinterest.So, again, couples counselling to spear head it all.Hang in there!
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