A
female
age
51-59,
*yrinda
writes:I'm a 36 year old just out of a long-term (13 years) relationship, but it's complicated as we're still living together with our toddler son as I'm at uni for the next year and seeing as we're best friends it is easy to stay in this situation. Actually when I say just out of a relationship we haven't slept together in 18 months or so and there is no connection for several years.I've just met a gorgeous 21 year old and friends tell me that the connection between us when we meet out and talk is intense, we finally got it together and had an amazing night of sex two weeks ago. It was a real confidence boost to me and I've been a different person since. He told me how gorgeous I was, but that he loves being single. He also asked plenty of details about my relationship and about my son, telling me how he disliked his stepfather at first.I liked the idea that maybe we could get together every now and then, as that is all I thought I was capable of offering at the moment, although I never told him that. However, we seem to have gotten into this weird power play situation. He bounded over to me like a puppy when I met him out, but then teases me like a friend. We've exchanged flirty messages on Facebook, but then he stops. He told me how incredible I smelled and kissed me (forehead) in full view of friends, but then left without saying bye.I've never had a one-night stand before and it's been a while since I dated so I'm not sure what's going on. But whatever is happening with him, all this coming on to me and then being cool is making me confused and rather than being an independent thirty-something woman, I'm actually starting to fall for him. What should I do?
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female
reader, Cyrinda +, writes (8 December 2008):
Cyrinda is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys, really appreciate your replies! I would be so happy to have the ego boost myself for a few weeks/months after being so long in a sexless relationship and with another year to go (argh!!). But how do I get the upper hand in this hot/cool situation so I can just enjoy it for what it is and have fun instead of falling for him?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008): OMIGOD!! you're post is exactly what I went through too.
He was 21..i was...33 and out of a 13 year relationship.
I was head over heals about this guy. When he was courting me, he had me convince that we were meant to be together and I was blinded by our intense attraction and compatilbility.
I'm going to tell you like it is...
These guys are YOUNG and they are NOT READY for a serious relationship. NO matter how much they like you or want to be with you. They are emotionally immature and capable of giving you an older women her emotional needs.
Eventually..he played the hot and cold game. Then i got sick of it and we stopped contact and communication.
Looking back, I can't believe that I thought I was "in love" with this guy.
I know now that it was because he gave me an ego boost. made me feel sexy, wanted, desirable. Everything that my ex stopped giving me.
So you see...it's not really HIM that you are falling for,..it's everything that comes along with it.
Just know that younger men and older women are the new "hot" thing and you are probably another conquest that he can brag to his friends about. Harsh , but i believe it's true. Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, Teacake  +, writes (8 December 2008):
 This guy is very skilled for his age! Just always remember he is only 21 and most 21 year old men are after only 2 things, sex and ego boosts. LOL Have fun if you like but just realize he is still a boy emotionally and chances of a relationship are not so high. He is playing the field at this age - so take it as a fun thing and don't even think it can be serious. Good luck!
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