A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi cupid, here's the deal. My best pal in the whole world is a girl, let's call her Penny. Penny and I have know each other since high school but have become great friends since college which we're in now.At first when we just started getting close I liked her a little, I wasn't in love or head over heels or anything, I just though she was so cool. However, that was while she was in a relationship so I didn't say anything until they broke up. When they broke up I tried my best to start a relationship with her but she constantly told me that she wasn't ready for a relationship and gave me all sorts of excuses but a few months later she started seeing another guy who she didn't even like that much and she kept telling me that she wanted to end the relationship but because he was such a nice guy she wanted him to break up with her. To make things worse she lost her virginity with the same guy. We tell each other everything, so I started telling her to be my girlfriend and then she started with the excuses again like "not wanting to hurt the friendship" even though she had a relationship with her best friend in high school and "I only wanted her for sex" which was not true but hey I wanted to lose my virginity like any other guy and the fact that we're best friends proves i wouldn't use her and "she's looking for someone who loves her" and the only thing I kept hear from her was that I wasn't good enough for her even though the entire college, people we know and don't know, our classmates, our parents and family either already think we are a couple or want us to be a couple even marriage popped up a couple times from a few people just because we are so close.After trying and trying and realising that she didn't want me especially from her remarks like "I can have you anytime I want" or "you need to be more assertive and spontaeneous" after asking her on advice about how to get women and her constant flirting i finally accepted it humbly and literally conditioned my brain to not want to have a relationship anymore.Recently she's starting to have more sex and hook ups with guys (I'm still a virgin) and she tells me about them and I'm starting to feel weird about it. Just the fact that these guy do nothing in particular and they aren't all that in looks yet she's willing to be with them upsets me a bit. The other day we were talking with some friends about sex and they suggested that we should do it. I quickly said "No way that would be too weird I don't want to do that with Penny" then she said "Well I'd do it with you" which I thought was weird because I thought two friends having sex would twist the friendship then she started saying "Why are you acting like that, you're making me feel weird" but I couldn't help it, that's what I do to condition my brain and the fact the she said she would have sex with me upset me even more because she knows that I've been trying to loose my virginity since day one yet she never offered once to have sex with me so I honestly believe she's lying and just saying what she thinks I want to hear so I never discussed it further with her. I'm not really sure if I want to have sex with her not to mention I have problems getting erections around her.I guess the REAL problem is that I'm starting to develop love/hate feelings towards her. I'm not sure how these new guys in her life make me feel, I don't know if I'm jealous or happy for here, I'm very confused. Sometimes I wish that she'd fall for me so that I could dump her terribly and toss in the cold...well not terribly but you get the picture and it hurts me because I don't want to have thoughts like that about her its bad but the more I hear her talk about these guys I feel weird and hurt and there's no point telling her becauar that would lead nowhere and that would make the relationship awkward seeing that I stopped tryin to be her bf for sometime now.She and every other girl in the world like to say I'm such a wonder person and anybody would be happy to have me and they usually don't believe me when I say I'm a virgin because "I'm such a great looking guy" yet I feel unwanted by them all. What should I do about Penny? What exactly am I feeling for her? I'm not in love with her or anything but I'm starting to feel weird and a bit jealous of her boyfriends. What's can a guy do?
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, erection, flirt, jealous, still a virgin Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2011): From what you have written, you have convinced yourself that you don't have feelings for her, but deep down inside you there is some part of you that still does have those feelings. I'm not saying that you want her or are in love with her or anything, but that buried deep down inside there are remenants of feelings, and that they are making you conflicted. Also the fact that your still a virgin and want to lose it, but she didn't even offer. I wouldn't offer to take my best friend's virginity either, because I am a woman and women generally think of it as something extremely special to give to someone special, not to give to someone who has rejected you multiple times. I think most of your jealousy is because you are still a virgin and desperately want to not be one, yet this girl isn't one and yet she wouldn;t be with you but is now seemingly have random hook-up's, and it is making you feel lousy. You have to take some time to look at whether or not you should be best friend's with this girl or not, because it obviously isn't working for you. I would end the friendship myself if I was feeling this way. Good Luck
A
female
reader, feralfox +, writes (26 December 2011):
I'm going to start by saying that you seem like a really emotionally mature guy, and I bet a lot of girls would love to be with someone like you. I know this girl is your friend, but it seems to me like she is toying with your feelings. She might not even mean to, but if you have already expressed your feelings and she continues to flaunt the possibility of being with you anyways it's a sign that she is not very emotionally mature. If you two are close and you aren't afraid to be honest, you should tell her something like "Hey, you know it's not really fair for you to think of me as a back-up boyfriend that 'you can have whenever you want'. You know I have feelings for you, and you're still trying to make me jealous and you're making it hard for me to just think of you as a friend." As a friend, she should be more sensitive to your feelings for her. I'm not saying she doesn't care about you, but it's unkind of her to trail you along like she is doing without making her intentions clear. Another option would be to try to date other girls if you feel comfortable doing that. It sounds like she wants you to be a part of her life, but not in the romantic sense. Try dating other girls, and keep her as a friend! A good friend is hard to find, but at your age girlfriends come and go. And who knows, maybe in the future she will grow up a bit emotionally and realize what a catch you are. Just don't put yourself through the heartache if she is being careless about your feelings. A real friend wouldn't intentionally put you through that.
...............................
|
