A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice. I feel like I'm her girlfriend when she feels like it and it's convenient to her and her feelings, and I'm not her girlfriend when it's inconvenient. And I'm so tired of it. I've been seeing the same girl for almost a year. We have not put a title on it because we both feel like that just complicates things. But she acts like my girlfriend 95% of the time. We go on dates, go on vacations, hold hands, cuddle, kiss, sleep together. She texts and calls me all day long. She acts like we are a couple and gets emotional and seeks my reassurance, and when she gets upset at me for anything, I comfort her. Like the other day, she got upset and started crying because she didn't think I appreciated that she bought an outfit to wear for me and didn't think I thought she looked pretty. I comforted her like a girlfriend would and tried to make her feel better. It's convenient to her then to be like my girlfriend. But when it's inconvenient, she throws it in my face and uses it against me that "I'm not her girlfriend." I got upset because she's been kinda MIA the last couple days, which is very much unlike her. And rather than actually make me feel better and explain herself, she flies into "well I'm not your girlfriend" so basically, I don't have a right to feel the way I do or to care.The way I see it, we see each other 2-3 times a week, and have been only sleeping with one another and it's been going on for nine months. We may not have a title on it, but it's just like any other relationship I've ever had. When you behave and act like a couple for so long, its hard not to care. She feels entitled to get upset and have emotions at me, but it's not okay when I have them. I feel like I'm her girlfriend 95% of the time. But she uses the whole not my girlfriend thing over my head when it's convenient. Should I just end things? She really hurt me today with those words because they invalidate my feelings completely. It makese feel stupid for being upset and feel stupid for caring. We just got back from vacation together just the other day and I thought things couldn't have been better. Then this. What do I do? I'm tired of the ups and downs.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2016): Been going through the exact same situation the past year and a half. Started as a friends with benefits and then it turned into what I would normally label as a relationship. But just like you, I was not entitled to do, say or feel something that was inconvenient, because 'You're not my girlfriend'. So I know exactly how you feel and how had it is to put your foot down. Not putting a label on things sounds great in theory, but as you can see there is always one person in the relationship who will exploit this to their own benefit. So my advice is to talk to her and ask for a proper relationship. There is a risk she will say no, but it's still better than ending it straight away. Otherwise I'm afraid she might even cheat on you at some point, on the grounds that you are not her girlfriend.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 August 2016):
 Sweetie I know that it feels like any other relationship, but the thing is that it is not, there is no title, no label, nothing to hold you both together. Talk to her and ask her what she wants, ask her to be your girlfriend if that is what you want, and if it is not walk away before you get hurt.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (12 August 2016):
 You should end things because she throws things in your face and people who respect each other don't do that. *However*, do not expect an official relationship (i.e a girlfriend) when there isn't one (i.e no titles) - not labelling something is fine, but not if you expect it to be like any other *official* relationship.
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