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I'm so paranoid, my boyfriend and my best friend like each other!

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Question - (3 October 2007) 4 Answers - (Newest, 5 October 2007)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Recently ive noticed that my best friend has started to take alot of interest in my boyfriend.

I've tryed to ignore it, thinking i'm being paranoid and stupid. Thing is, this has happened before, with a different friend stealing an ex.

I care about him so much. At weekends we go to alot of partys, and my best friend comes all the time aswell.

My boyfriends always saying how much he likes my best friend, and she says the same about him. I'm just jealous, as sometimes they go off for little private talks, which makes me paranoid. I'm too scared to say anything, because i don't want to lose either of them, and also i don't want to make myself look like an idiot!

I just don't know what to do, it's really getting to me...

please help!!

Thankyou :)

xxxxxxxxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for your help :)

I may only be 17, but i have been in a two year and a half relationship and it's just starting to dawn on me that i may lose him to somebody better than me. I don't have much self confidence, and my trust levels are low because of it.

Thanks alot...

im going to halve a chat with them both seperately

x.x.x.x

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A female reader, drastic knowledge United States +, writes (4 October 2007):

drastic knowledge agony auntfrist i think that he needs to not be taking tyour best friend off for little talks that isnt right but also cant you 2 have time with out her

you dont want to lose them but seems as there doing you dirty and not being a good bf or best friend

get to the bottom of this and if you find that the are messing around drop them both

you deserve way better

good luck

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A female reader, IzzyBeth United States +, writes (3 October 2007):

IzzyBeth agony auntJealousy is relatively normal at your age, and the sacredness of committed relationships is not always learned by all in your age group yet. The friend who is occupying your bf's time without you present is questionable unless they were friends before your apperance on the scene. If you are committed to being committed, then you have to sit down with your bf and "calmly" express your feelings. Tell him that you are uncomfortable with the closeness he shares with your best friend, and that you understand that you may sound silly to him, but that you are harboring alot of jealousy. Hopefully if he is any kind of gentleman he will try to put your fears to rest and agree to give you the heads up if he will be spending time with your bff, or even agree to only socialize with her when it's the three of you. The other possible outcome is this, he will become defensive, which can mean one of two things, either he does have feelings for your friend, or he's not mature enough to be in a committed relationship.

Just remember that jealousy is natural, but not desirable, work with yourself to control those feelings.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2007):

If you're too scared to say anything, what do you think is going to happen? If I had to guess, they will end up getting together if you don't stand up for yourself. It isn't appropriate for them to be going off at parties for private talks. How do you know they're not really going off to make out? It also isn't appropriate for him & her to tell you how much they like eachother. What are they trting to do, see if it would be o.k. with you for them to hook up? Tell them you won't stand for this anymore. If they care about you they'll stop. If not, well they aren't worth it anyways.

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