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female
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*ishing-moon
writes: Can't believe I have resorted to this .. problem shared is a problem halved I guess!I love my boyfriend dearly. We have our moments and have silly arguments, overall it's all pretty damn good. I have a 12 year old daughter and she thinks the world of him too. However..... I am feeling rather insecure. There used to be a girl he worked with and he still keeps in touch with. He said he texts her once in a blue moon but I kbnow it's more than that... she sent a text 'Happy New year .. hope you are having a good one (or something like that) love ya' - he said it was a blanket text to lots of people. There was a message from her saying ..'..does she know..' and he said that it was something about a girl at work fancying him and she keeps questioning this other girl about if they keep in touch! She sent him a text before Valentines day just gone which is a pre-paid Baby daffy and donald duck or summat and 2 days later there is a reply to him a 1.24am saying 'wat?', he text her to ask if she was at work cus her car wasnt there...aaaaaaagh!I do believe something has tried to happen in the past when they worked together but it was awkward (before my time) and I think she only left before we met so they never had a chance to persu things further. He even used her surname as his laptop password about 2 months ago!Why is my head so muddled? He gave me a lecture the day after valentines when I questionned why I had never met this person and that he has met any mates I keep in touch with, he said that if he was cheating I would see a change in his behaviour... wasn't sure how to take it. He was married and she did the dirty on him, I have had the same in the past with my daughter's dad. He does work later than he has to, about 1-2 hours over and says he was speaking to a contractor and didn't realise the time. She only works 5 mins from my house at a furniture store.I love him sooooo much and it really hurts to think something "not quite right" is going on. Even if they are just friends then why haven't I met her, why is he bothered about if she was at work, why are they testing late at night?I feel awful looking at his phone... he left it at home when he went to work and I went to put a picture of me on the front messing around as he had a pic of Man United .... then I saw texts.OMG . help......... I keep going quiet when I see these texts and I dont want to ruin what we got. I just want him to tell me that he 'did fancy her once' and nothing is going happen or summat.Shit .. I feel bad... help me
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): I can quite understand how you feel. All you want to hear is that your boyfriend loves you, and only you. Why would he need to keep in touch with an ex? He is probably just as insecure as you if he needs to feel good by receiving her texts. Is she the one to text first and he just politely replies or vice-versa? How would he feel if it was you in this situation? I think you do need to have this out with your boyfriend but be prepared that he may turn the tables and try to make you feel bad for feeling insecure etc etc as men are very capable of doing. Only you can decide whether bringing things out into the open is likely to damage your relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2006): There is definitely something not right here - if he is cheating or not - there is a definite gulf in your relationship that is causing jealousy, fear, insecurity etc. There is also a massive lack of trust if you are going through his phone - especially as you were trying to load a picture of you on his phone - I think the insecurity is much deeper than just seeing these messages.You need to talk to him. We can offer advice or suggestions but the only person that knows what is going on is him. If you don't talk you will become miserable and scared and that is no way to live your life. I know it is a hard thing to do but I would say to him that you are feeling insecure and confused and things between you are a bit odd and you want to discuss the issue.Maybe it is something innocent, maybe it is not, but you must get it out in the open. Perhaps you should take some time, just the two of you, go away and re asses the relationship. Maybe consider some counselling but NONE of this will happen if you don't talk about it.Good luck!
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