A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 9 years wif my husband for 11 and I don't love him, I have been having an affair solid for the last year with a man I was once in love with as a teenager although I have been seeing him on and off for 4 years, I am not proud of this but cannot help it, I am in love with him! I have 3 children 13, 8 and 5 and don't want to let them down however this gets worse........ the man I am in love with is also my uncle! I did not grow up with him but never the less that is who he is. I am totally torn appart, I don't know what to do, if I go with the man that makes me happy, most of my family won't talk to me, they didn't when I lived with him when I was 17. Please can someone help me, I am so depressed ..............
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female
reader, Noty  +, writes (18 November 2008):
Hi there. My suggestion is to get yourself out of this situation before you hurt the people you love the most- your children. You need to do this for them. Go for therapy and rebuild your relationship with your husband. If you do not love your husband any more and do not want to be with him that is fine (even though I still think you can rekindle old feelings with your hubby if your uncle were out of the picture) but please do not leave him for your uncle. That would be unhealthy and would totally shatter your children's lives. Remember it is no longer entirely about you and your feelings. Good luck!
A
female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (18 November 2008):
 Hi there, You were very young when this man, who you are sure you love, introduced you to sex, I am assuming. This is a very powerful lock, on a young person's psyche, he was more experienced and if I might say so, took advantage of your youth and inexperience. You probably felt that he was the greatest thing that ever happened to you. Then you throw in the excitement of "forbidden love", in a sense and you have the ties that bind. One question to you would be, did you ever love your husband? If you did, then there should be some way to revive that love. If you didn't, then that is a real problem, with the relationship, without your uncle. But first of all, you have to see the relationship between you and your uncle for what it is, that would take therapy on your part, your uncle is enjoying himself, any man would, you may not think so, but he damaged you, by capturing you at a vunerable period in your life. You did not mature as a young person should have, without the influence, your relative placed on you. Sure the sex was and probably still is great,but your emotionsl growth has been impaired. Young people need to go through a period of growth and knowledge of who they are and also most importantly, healthy emotional growth, you never had that, you were thrust into a sexual and emotional relationship with an older man who was a relative. Very unhealthy for a basic child. You would have to have, your mind purged, in my estimation of these emotional and sexual feelings, wired when you were young, which you have developed for your uncle, over all these years. That would be very painful, but it would bring you to a place of serious adulthood, your growth was cut off when you were a teenager, by your uncle. Young minds are very pilable and young people as you were, are easily led sometimes, especially where sex is concerned. Therefore. after all is said and done, what do you want from your life? To continue on with this state of affairs, to have good relationship with your husband who you say you don't love? I might throw in, that you are goiing to have to redefine love, it is not what you share with your uncle. That I think is a combination of lust,sex, the thrill of something that is not usually allowed and a young person's ideal of a hero, which you placed on your uncle, at a young age and you don't want to let go of your emotional connection to him. This is a dilemma, not easily solved, your children should be considered, your husband, I would think, already knows something is going on, unless he has his own thing going on to survive. Do you want to divorce your husband, probably lose custody of your children, if things got messy or stay in this situation, until gosh knows what happens? This is your life. As I stated before, you need therapy, to face what the real situation actually is all about. That would take a lot of courage, but if you could go through it, you would come out, a much healthier person emotionally. Give it some thought, try to be honest with yourself, try to stay away from your uncle, and give yourself, a chance to be honest with what is going on. Stay in touch, take care, and stop beating yourself up, in life we all have problems, some solvable, some unsolvable for the moment. But time is a healer, and our faith, can be place to go for comfort. Be good to yourself. Let me hear from you. My words may be hard to take, but trust me I mean you every good.
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