A
female
age
51-59,
*plashdown
writes:I have been in a live-in relationship for 5 yrs now I'm in my late 40's he is in his early 50's , about 2 yrs ago our sex life came to a stall , I tried everything to make it interesting and often put the moves on him , and was always turned down , about a yr ago I found out he was cross dressing , I said nothing to him about this and continued to be interested in him , he never touches me durning sex other than anally . we do have vaginal sex and anal which he perfers , we may have sex once a month , but have gone months without it , I have caught him masterbating when he thinks I'm away so he does not have a problem with getting an erection and never has .he has never had a relationship with a woman that lasted more than 5 yrs . I love his dearly but I'm so confused about his sexuality I don't know what to do ...
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female
reader, splashdown +, writes (22 April 2012):
splashdown is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for your response , here is a little more info I should have included .Our jobs keep us apart a great deal we are usually only home together maybe 1-2 days a wk . I have tried all the methods of seduction , I always make the first move and have included sexy outfits , toys ,etc. sometimes I get turned down flat out , and he will curl up behind me in bed with an erection and we go to sleep ..when we are apart he tells me how much he misses me and loves me than when we are together he totally changes and becomes very cold and quiet , he is not the type of man I can easily talk to , he becomes enraged easily and conversation usually ends badly . I have no problem with his crossdressing I know that it does not mean he is gay and I have no problem with him masterbating as I do this often too .I'm just so confused about this situation with him
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2012): Hi, sorry for your dilemma- I have a friend who was in a similar situation and it is all very hurtful.
Unless he tells you what he feels it's very hard to speculate his sexuality- don't assume just because he cross dresses that he is gay. There are many other reasons why he may be doing this and truly, every one masturbates once in a while so that really shouldn't offend you at all. Also lots of guys prefer anal sex because it is usually a tighter feel than vaginal sex. (I actually now have an everything but anal sex policy because I don't enjoy it and find that once its ok with a man he will want to do it every single time! lol)
What the most important issue here, that needs to be dealt with before you consider his sexuality, is how YOU are sexually dissatisfied, which you must gently talk to him about. Before you start to get angry try to zap up your sex life- there are a million ways to excite him- make the first move, surprise sex, toys, sexy under ware, try to seduce him! Couples always hit low points in sex drives, don't take it too personally I'm afraid it really is unavoidable- how about time away from each other?- I try to avoid my boyf sometimes for a whole week- shooting off to work, going out with the girls, busy with the kids ect ect then after a while he misses me more and is gagging for me!
But maybe this issue is deeper than just sex lows, its hard to judge based on the info provided- how is the rest of your life together- are you both happy- is your relationship good- is his work life/family life good? All these other areas play a role...
So my advice for now is not to worry too much about his sexuality at this stage and try to work on creating sexual tension and excitement in your relationship- then if after sincere effort it is not working- you must find a way to talk to him about your lack of satisfaction. -Good luck :)
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