A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My now ex boyfriend and I broke up because he was a compulsive liar.he had lots of warnings but inm the end he just couldn't change so I ended it.The problem I now have is my anger, I am furious with him for everything he put me through! For not setting me free before now! I am angry everytime I phone rings and its him! I feel like throwing my phone agianst the wall he has gotten to me that bad.How do I overcome this rage before I take it out on my innocant young child? I find myself pre occupied in all this hatred and fury that I end up moping round instead of playing games, helping with homework etc. This also makes my son angry as he can see mummy agitated in a big way.Please somebody help me overcome this dreadfull feeling whilst still being able to maintain my decision in not taking back this sorry lowlife scum!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 February 2012):
 I personally think you are angry with yourself. I mean how are you mad at him for "not setting me free" Like you didn't have free will.....
are you blaming everything on him?
Are you working with a therapist to work through the issues.
I am sure you are angry with yourself for taking so long to leave him and that in retrospect you look back and criticize yourself for all the things you did later rather than sooner..
It's perfectly normal to feel the rage and anger both with him and with yourself.
You do know that hate is not the opposite of love right?
Hate and love are BOTH passion... just opposite ends of the passion spectrum... if you HATE it means you still have feelings for him.... the opposite of LOVE is AMBIVALENCE...
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (26 February 2012):
 Change your number and start boxing. Physically punching objects really gives you an outlet for anger and rage all the while wearing you down. You can opt for a different sport, though boxing really does help a lot of people with anger issues. Rest assured that any intense feelings subside over time. Nothing intense last for a long time.
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A
female
reader, bardia +, writes (26 February 2012):
 My therapist (who is working me through a devestating breakup) has said that anger isn't the issue. It's the hurt & resentment at the realization of how you were treated. You're allowed to feel all those things. Channel them into productive activity (cleaning the house, going for a walk, playing outside with your little one). Over time it'll pass. You may seek counseling yourself as an outlet for your anger. Maybe change your phone number if you can so he can't contact you. But do take care of this before you move from throwing the phone to injuring someone even by accident.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2012): I broke up with my my lying ex-boyfriend 2 months ago. It was a 5 years on and off relationship. I was very angry and bitter for few days, mostly with myself because I allowed it to go on for as long as it did, I did not respect myself. I love him. I was mad with myself more than I was with him.I read books, different sites about break up and saw other women/men's breakup stories and pain, and I saw that I was not the first one and won't be the last one to go through this. I have medical and a child. I need my health, physically and mentally. so do you. We all deserve better.2 weeks ago, I signed up to a dating site and went out on dates just to get out of the house.I have deleted all my ex's emails, text messages, all his photos. my ex sent me an email which I did not reply to.I feel so much better now.I have made arrangement to meet up with some men who have accepted to be friends with me. That keeps me occupied. I am not telling you to meet up men, but this worked for me, as my friends told me to do. perhaps for you to see friends and family, do a course, just keep busy and have adult company (I do not have any family apart from my son). I do not want to burden my son with my personal issues, nor do I want to show him my pain.As time goes on the pain will ease, and one day you will look back and say what was that all about. And also you will find that you have done the right thing for you and your child.You are very young, there are many decent men out there who will give their right hands to have a decent woman. One day one decent one will find you.I also know how this effects our self-esteem, it did with me anyway, but by reading about other people's story I learnt that I did not have issues, my ex did, he was slefish, liar who wanted everyone who wore skirt. I only want one decent man. and he was not the one. I DO NOT REGRET ENDING IT.Good luck and best wishes for you and your child.
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A
female
reader, trotman68 +, writes (26 February 2012):
 God i know this feeling. I know its hard to try and move on but hope this will help you.The thing is once a guy lies and we over look it, this actually is saying to them that we except what they have done. This means that they don't learn from what they have actually done wrong.I don't understand why men or women lie about things when being honest is the best policy in my eyes. I would send him an email saying what all your concerns are and why you feel that the relationship wont work, highlighting all the lies you know he has told. What ever you do, dont come across that you are blaming him or you can't talk like an adult.I would say to him that the lies he has told you are things that have hurt you and tell him why its hurt.tell him that this is effecting home life and its something you don't want because of this and that you have to move on.depending if you want him back or not i would then ask him what he wants and how you can help him change if need be.explain to him that unless he can be honest with you and trust you to be able to tell you everything, this is how things will always be. if he cant be honest with you then his whole life will just be unhappy as he will have only lies that gets him through life.tell him you love him but will not except him as he is and is he willing to change.if he cant change or you dont want him in your life then don't take his calls if they are upsetting you. personally i would change my number and just be done with it.xx
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