A
female
age
36-40,
*irlyGirl022
writes:well im new to this an i have been viewing other peoples questions and it seems that my "issue/need of advice" on this topic isnt as uncommon as i thought it would be.. wellllllllllll to start off im a young female between age of 21-24 i met my guy a year 1/2 -2yrs ago (we are 10yrs apart). we have dif jobs but with the way our jobs are set up we run into each other a couples times a year. ANYWAYS i met him one day at work and we hit it off right away. started talking about random things and he was just all around a nice guy. iv never had good luck with guys and i was thinking how nice he was but wasnt open enough to ask for his number. the day was over an i thought oh well ill never see him again but he was def good looking and nice to talk to. we didnt exchange number or anything so i thought i would probably never see him again. OR see him an not recognize him.2months later im in line at work on my break talking with my friend and i turn around right as hes saying HEY. and it took me a sec to function who he was and that this was actually happening and he told me where hed be an i should come say hi. so i did an again we hit it off right away. we talked about how we both like this hang out place so we exchanged numbers incase we ever both end up there one night we can meet up an say hey. we both went back to work and he texted me saying it was nice to see me again. an i told him i had always thought about him randomly. we texted the rest of the day.. he was going on his days off he said an i got a text the following week from him an we talked again. an he was just so nice i had to ask if he was married. like there was no way somoene so nice could be single. he admitted that he was but "not happily". i confessed i was also seeing someone but that it was coming to an end.i had been with my previous boyfriend a year 1/2 and it was my first real relationship that actually went somewhere. so it was hard to loose that. i wanted to just be young and have fun and i told "married guy" that and i said i just want to meet someone and just have fun have sex be crazy and young. well after talking to him we seemed to be a perfect match. he wasnt getting any from the wife. i DIDNT want a relationship and (at the time) was telling myself i would never fall for him cuz hes married.we started hanging out at nights after work when we were both free and could meet up. and just talked. i have never met someone who was so easy to talk to and just fun to be around an wasnt expecting things of me. well our "plan to just be a friends with benefits" thing never happend. we spend mroe time just talking and laughing and it took us 5months before we had sex for the first time. but let me add that when i started this the ONLY reason i was for it and ok with the mrried thing was becuz i didnt think i would fall for him AND i just wanted to get over my ex an have fun. i thought at the time me being a fling to him isnt me comin between them because i wasnt looking to be with him. and i just didnt want to think about hte fact that he was married because i WASNT ok with wat i was doing but ill be honest i just didnt care.ANYWAYS.. it obviously got more involved that i had originally planed. we got along so well we started missing each other. it went from not talking on his days off to talking nights after the wife went to bed. an thats when i started getting weirded out and wasnt realllly not ok with this. but i had never felt that way either so i went to friends and they convinced me thats he the best thing thats happened to me. a co worked her works with said hes confessed that hes falling in love with me. hes told me things about the wife that i dont agree with. she wouldnt let him go to a best friends wedding do to the distance it was an that she didnt feel like going. she throws a fit if he watches football baseball. no guys nights out. iv always thought maybe hes lieing to me. so iv talked to people that know him but dont no who i am an they have all said the same thing... hes never cheated on her "although he jsut started getting interested in a very nice girl that treates him well" (me). hes never lied to me.well it came down to him telling me he was gona do it. by the way they DO NOT have kids together. the wife has some but dif marriage. anyways...i got excited i thought WOW iv actually found a guy, yes alot come with it like would he ever cheat on me etc. but since i was the first and only i think thats a better chance for me. they have been married LESS than 8 yrs. well one day it just ended. he told me to much is going on and we stoped talking for 6mnths. it hurt i cried all the time i told the people that thought he was single that he wasnt. i wanted to tell his wife not to be mean to her but so he wouldnt just get away with this. i felt bad for her.we started fighting an it was over.6mnths later we bumped into each other. iv grown up alot since then. learned ALOT. he admitted he thought he owed it to her to fix things etc. but things didnt get fixed and well NOW we are talking again. im ALOT more aware of wat i do and say. i DO NOT want to be a reason someones marriage ends. but i thought i needed to proove a point to myself that i DONT NEED HIM and i can do better. so i started talking to him again. because i new if i didnt i would always wonder about him. and im very proud of myself its working. if he left me tomorrow iv proovin enough that i wouldnt care. but its gettin more serious an i dont no wat to do. of course i would be with him in a heart beat but im saying if it didnt work out i wouldnt be as heartbroken as before cause iv brought it on myself by getting involved with someone like this and letting myself love someone. i basically wana no wat i should do. stick around and c wat happened? i date people that way its keeping my options open even more instead of droping all guys and being loyal to him when hes not being loyal to me. so that part i feel is good. but people i do understand what im doing is wrong. iv read alot of peoples comments in reply to peoples same issues on this topic an i dont want someone saying wat the hell am i thinking an i set myself up etc etc. letting someone go we all no is easier said than done. i think he will get to the point of doing it an then bail again. but a part of me thinks that we broke up an he came back and theres a saying "if they leave let them go if they come back they were ment to be if they dont their love was never yours anyways" well im a strong believer in that.please help me. i know all the negatives. BELIEVE ME..
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at work, best friend, broke up, exchanged numbers, friend with benefits, heartbroken, my ex, text, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, GirlyGirl022 +, writes (28 July 2009):
GirlyGirl022 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your answer. when i wrote the paragraph i didnt re read it and i think i should of cause the question i had for wasnt really how it seems. i didnt mean should i wait for him to come back i ment more along the lines of how should i handle it. because we split up because he felt he needed to see if he could fix things with her. 6mnths apart i dated ppl he did his thing and we didnt talk. i didnt think we would ever talk. but then we bumped into each other and it started all over again. i felt for myself that i needed to have a good closure because im one of those people that doesnt do good with no closure. so i let him come back i just kept my distance and didnt act all lovey with him like last time. BUT this time around he does and its 10 times more so. hes almost obsesed with me. where im more laid back and kind of have an act on like idc. im at the point where i can leave him and not have any regrets like last time. so i just wanted peopes outside views. hes showed me divorce papers which last time he didnt. he comes over puts alot of effort in. i kinda feel like a bitch cause im just not letting myself get involved but yet hes being so nice lol. so i guess thats what i ment to say but since i started from the beginning to the time i wrote the paragraph it all kinda seems dif then it was. but thank you for your kind note. i just am a strong believe in you cant help who u fall in love with. married, single, gay whoever. and other people if they are gona be on here should be nice to other people and not mean.. so thank you for understanding
A
female
reader, Pola +, writes (27 July 2009):
 First of all, I am going to answer to the last post.I'm glad cause I don't repeat any trash people are saying. a 'home wrecker' some people say it means stealing a man from a woman. How can someone has such power to destroy a happy relationship. I believe if you are happy nothing should be able to come between you. Like I said before, if another woman has the ability to separate a couple that's mean it has already destroyed.There was no life. So don't put no blame on another woman. The only exception is that if the man is mentally sick. The other woman is not the cause of the problem. I don't believe in such word.No home wrecker ever exist. No one is able to steal someone. It is somebody's own will to go out there to cheat. Some men are not happy based on the way their wives treat them. Again what difference does that make? A married man or a single man they all have the same ending.A single man treats you like trash sometimes. It's all luck. If you married a pig he still going to be a pig. Also dating a pig will still a pig. no one really ensured. It depends what type of man you're married. also depends on what type of single man you dealing with. Everything in life is just a risk.My point is, I don't appreciate the fact that people are calling other people home wrecker. People should take responsibility for their own action.Some married women have no shame to know that their husband is dating somebody else and they still with the man.. Is it for money? or security? I believe these days it's all about money there is no self-esteem or respect any more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): its time to grow up. as i read your story i thought, what a child! sorry, i am being honest. life is not about games and you have been playing a game here. you have made so many excuses for him. get one thing staright - he stays with his wife becasue he wants to. plain and simple. and he started having sex with you because he could! you had no respect for his wife and his marriage and he had no respect for you. that is how your relationship went. so ou thought he would never sheat on you. why do married mens lovers always think that their married men will not cheat on them, in fact this is a laught because these men cheat on their wives, so why is it different with the lovers?
plain and simple you have listened to too many people blacken his wifes name. maybe she has reason for behaving the way she does. in fact after reading your post i believe she has ample reasons and the first one is, he is a cheating bastard. very often mistresses blame the wives without taking a good look at the cheating husband. oh, same poor man, you all say. poor man my ass. these men lie so much, they do not know the difference bet right and wrong.
whether you want to admit it or not, you were wrong to mess with this married man. you may have only wanted fun and sex but you also screwed up his relationship with his wife. if you are not a home wrecker then prove it and end it with this man for good. you are playing a very dangerous game with other men as weel, just using them to pass your time. if they are aware and you have been honest of what you only want from these relaionships then great, if not don't you think you are being selfish.
all the signs are there and i don't have to be psychic to predict what will happen here. your married man is bored again in his marriage, she is on the look out for some external release. he has a pattern, can you not see it. you need to decide what you want and be prepared for whatever happens in the future. i think you know the outcome with him but maybe you are just scared of being alone and not having someone to love? this man will use you until YOU put a stop to it. but you need to make the decision. you say you have learnt a lot, well how about putting that to use right now.
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (15 June 2009):
 Let me tell you something I've learnt from a couple of years of dating. They ALL come back!At some point every guy I've dated has contacted me again to catch up or to reunite things, it doesn't mean they love me, it doesn't mean they valued me, it usually just comes when they're single, bored and lonely! This guy doesn't have kids, it would be pretty easy for him to leave his wife if he wanted to. He tried to fix things, he failed and he still hasn't left her? He's not going to.I think you need to stop kidding yourself, re-examine the kind of person you THINK he is, and think about the kind of person you want to be. He's had plenty of time to think about what he wants and yet he's still with his wife. There's your sign. Move on.
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