A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i want a baby but am single i am 20 yrs old al my friends have babies and i have always wanted to be a parent young from a very young age what should i do this is gettin me realy down ?
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (3 November 2010):
I am depressed because I have to support other peoples childern with my taxes because they cannot do it themselves.
What shall I do?
A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (3 November 2010):
You post demonstrates poor spelling and poor grammar so I am wondering what you do for a living which would give you sufficient earnings as a single parent to rear a child.If you are twenty, unless you have been extremely lucky I am highly doubtful that you are in a job that pays enough to bring up a child without have to rely on other people to pay instead. Please correct me if I am wrong.Can you answer yes to these questions (of course you do not need to answer yes to all of them, although that would be nice, but you do to at least some)1.Can you drive and do you own a car?2.Do you own your own house? 3. If you do not own a house, do you at least have your own place (not your parents' house)3.Do you have a good job?4. Do you have savings to act as a contingency fund?5. Can you offer your child a good quality of life without having to fall back on the state?As someone who works hard, pays taxes and is trying to save so I can afford to raise a baby, I find it particularly galling that these sort of questions come up on a regular basis. Of course I could get pregnant tomorrow and just claim all the benefits I am entitled to and not give a damn about how I am living on the taxpayer's money because at least I've got what I want. However, I would consider that to be a selfish and disgraceful thing to do, and that is not the sort of person I want to be, nor how I wish to live my life.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (3 November 2010):
 Why?
Do you have any idea how much those things cost??
You're too young but it's your choice so long as you have the financial resources to do it but don't expect other people to get every morning go out to work and pay taxes so that the govt can pay for you to stay home and play with the baby. It's not fair.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): hi im 19 years old, im a mother to a 2 year old baby girl, all i gotta say to you is think twice,, being a mother is HARD! yes i know people might say it is the greatest thing that can happen to you and i agree it is but it's also hard if i could go back in time and change one thing would be wait longer on having a baby thats all i would change! i know you might be thinking "oh wow it ain't a big deal" because that's how i used to think but now that i am were im at i think back and say why didn't i listen to all the people that told me to wait and live life first instead of having a baby at 16 years old, i love my baby she's the heart of my life but to be honest with you it's hard! and im married i have my husband that helps me i can't imagine being without a partner to be there and help me, at the end it's going to be your decision but i just wanted you to hear my experience as a teen mom! GOOD LUCK on your choice :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): Get stable financially, emotionally, and spiritually because have'n a kid is going to rock your world, and in your shoes, it probably won't be in a good way. Wait for a good income, a stable partner, and an impeccable knowledge of self before you make this life-altering change. Put your energy into watching other people's kids for a while instead.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): Wow... so many people here really do not like kids. You all act like it's a death warrant.
If you don't know if you want kids by the time you are 20, there is something seriously wrong with you. I mean it was not so long ago that if didn't have at least one child by that age... you were a social outcast.
Now there are a great many things to consider. But having child makes it all more challenging. Not impossible. It does not end your life. It will cause some amount of gray hair to come in earlier, but having progeny enriches life far more than it detracts from it.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (3 November 2010):
 For starters do you have a boyfriend, fiance, husband in order to make this happen? It's something that has to be thoroughly discussed and both parties have to be ready..I doubt any guy around your age is ready to be a father. Do you have a stable income to support you and the baby? To cover medical bills, diapers, formula, wipes, and clothing? How about college? You do know you will have to postpone it for a bit, then switch to online schooling depending upon your major. If not, you will have to enroll your child in daycare which is very, very costly. Or if you're lucky and have a relative who can watch them for free. I recommend marriage beforehand so the child can have a stable consistent environment.
First think about why you want a baby..Because all your friends have babies and you don't isn't a valid reason. Ask your friends how hard it is to be a mother, especially the single ones who have dead beat baby daddies. Work on finding a great man and finishing school beforehand then start thinking about making a family.
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A
female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (2 November 2010):
 Are you comfortable living off tax payers money?
Because that is what will happen if you can financially support yourself.
There are couples out there who desperately want babies but they can afford them yet so they save up. And these are people a lot older than you.
If you care about this child you want, you will open a savings account and save up a bit each month until you are at least financially stable. I don't think you need a partner to have a baby, there are wonderful single mothers out there, my mum was one but you do need some life experience first. You need a stable well paid job, somewhere to live and a good support system. I can imagine what it is like being surrounded by cute babies but you don't have to take them home!
I can sympathise with the broodiness, I am 21 and have an awesome partner of 2 years who earns a lot of money but even then there are bills to pay and I am just too young still! I argue with him sometimes about it but he is right!
You have a whole life to live yet. There are so many things you can do without a child and not many with one. There is no rush for us.
Get started on a career you really want and enjoy it, go backpacking around the world, enjoy your freedom while you have it and make the most of everyday!
Until you have your own kids, ask to babysit your friends. They will be thankful for the rest and a chance to have a kip and tidy the house!
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female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (2 November 2010):
Are you financially capable of having a baby?
Are you ready to give up to a large extent your life for the next 16 years?
Are you ready for the effect having a baby will have on your chance for a relationship? Not many guys want to date a mom.
I'm 24 and can't even fully commit to taking care of my animals, let alone a child.
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female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (2 November 2010):
 ok first most people think i want a baby before actually thinking about it properly. this day and age its a case of i want so i should get but that is completely wrong. do you have a home of your own ? do you really want a child born without and actual family since your single. have you money saved or atleast got a job do you honestly think you are capable of looking after a child ie have you taken courses to better prepare yourself. just because your friends have children do not make them the best mothers in the world. you are only 20 and still have a lot to learn about life. today their are thousands born without both parents and it can have a serious effect on them growing up! lots of women harm their babys during pregnancy by A not following rules ie smoking drinking drugs unprotected sex and B not eating correctly. i think you just got this in your head wound yourself up and is like how can i make this possible well if you really want to be a parent so bad then i say go do your homework make a home and find a partner. otherwise you might not be giving your child the best of life.. to many are on welfare and its being cut so watch out mammys CUT CUT CUT. your friends wont be so happy about having babys soon. sorry to be a sour puss but just showing you the logic and stats. good luck with your choices. aphex
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