A
female
age
41-50,
*rsgreen
writes:Hello everyone..I'm really in trouble here.. I have been married for 4 years with my hubbie for 8 have one child and its just gone down down down hill. I really love my husband but i hate him to. I hate the fact that he promises things and never goes through with it. Well mainly his promises are when he's heading to the pub and promises he'll be an hour and doesn't come back for 5 hours!! If i have a night out and he has our child he feels its his right to go drinking the next day coz he had the child for the night!! I have the baby everyday.. Its a huge fight if i want a sleep in at the weekends. I'm so tired i'm fed up of everything.. I've even moved out of our bed! Its one argument after the next its like living with a teenager.. He won't pick up after himself, expects me to do his laundry.. (which i've stopped doing), He was never like this when we first got married.. This has all started since we had our baby 15 months ago. I don't know what to do anymore half of me wants to save this marriage and the other half doesn't want to.. I would appreciate any adivce from anyone!! Thank you.
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female
reader, cd206  +, writes (16 April 2007):
 Don't apologise to me! We'll end up in this vicious cycle of saying sorry :) As long as all is cool!
CD
A
female
reader, mrsgreen +, writes (16 April 2007):
mrsgreen is verified as being by the original poster of the question OH CD honey i'm so sorry.... you didn't offend me at all... it came out the wrong way i'm sooooo sorry!! I'm only delighted with your advice.. I'm sorry if i offended you was not my intention at all.. i appreciate everyone's advice.. I was just trying to explain that i had done it all before i wasn't dishing your advice at all... Sorry hun. xxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2007): Feel the same, Husband who feels its his god given right to go to the pub, then on to a friends house drinking all night, weekends ruined as he's too hungover to do anything, forever falling over over the same thing and him promising to stop and me forgiving, also have baby at 16 months but due to have another in June, feel like my hands are tied. After huge argument he's now moved to spare room but how long will that last before its all back to normal. The thought of being a single mum with 2 babies is terrible, losing the life I currently have or meeting someone else that takes on the package, jesus you can't win!!! Wish I had some advice, then maybe I wouldn't be in the same position!
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (16 April 2007):
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you by suggesting you should do something you already had. I was just trying to imagine what he would say if he had written this problem. Sorry if I caused any offence. It wasn't intended.
CD
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A
female
reader, mrsgreen +, writes (16 April 2007):
mrsgreen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys thank you for your replies..
CD i do always tell him i don't mind him going to the pub and i really don't, i love a good night out to. I'd never stop him from doing anything or going anywhere. I just get so angry when he tells me he'll only be one hour. He's just a totally different person when he has drink on him (aren't we all!!) I would do anything to keep my family together but i'm not going to do it for the sake of our baby. Why should my child be brought up in a home where we're arguing all the time?? No child should suffer that.Oh i don't know anymore.. We 've had this SERIOUS conversation before (yes this isn't the first time!) and i told him how i felt and he told me how he felt and we agreed on things and we didn't agree on things. He changed for about 2 weeks and back to his old ways again. Now i know this is all about him.. I can be at fault to.. mind you lately i don't have time to do anything out of the way!! LOL... And when i know i'm wrong i do apologise.. He's just such a hard person to talk to these days.. and he just doesn't show his emotions anymore.. I remember when we used to cuddle all the time and kiss and every single morning and night we would tell each other "i love you"... reminds me of that song "no more i love you's" :)So i have no idea what to do next... I'm going to go to the shop for some chocolate!! :)xxxx
Again thanks guys for your replies. xxxx
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A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (16 April 2007):
 You cant be blamed for feeling the way you do. To be honest, if you want things to work then you need to have a SERIOUS talk with him and let him know your concerns.
He needs to realise the seriousness of the situation. If you cant talk one on one about this and it ends up in an argument all the time, I would suggest a different approach to your conversations. You owe the marriage every effort, in the same way that he does.
Professional advice is probably an option for you both, but it will take both of you to want this.
I dont think you are asking alot and you both need to find a healthy balance of life between you both.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (16 April 2007):
Well... he is in the wrong here, I can tell that from your post, but I'd still ask you to consider your child when you're thinking about this. If you were in a violent or dangerous situation more than likely I'd tell you to get you and your child out but it sounds like the biggest problem with your marriage is that you have two kids in place of one kid and a husband. I think that arguments can nearly always be avoided if you want to avoid them. After all, they take two people to make them work. If you refuse to shout or get mad then the other person usually has to back down and talk to you about the issue instead of shouting about it. Start easy on your guy. Tell him you don't mind him going to the pub for five hours but can he tell you how long he'll be because otherwise you worry something has happened, or ask him if he could take over responsibility for the laundry because you're so busy with the baby right now. That's the thing with kid-bands as I call them. Change has to be gradual but you owe it to your child who deserves to have two parents to try.
CD
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