A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:currently my relationship seems to be at a standstill.i have been with my boyfriend for over two years now. we live together along with other flat mates that are his friends. also i am 24 and he is 30. we met in work and worked similar shifts which was great as we got to see each other a lot in work. once it became harder and harder to see each other outside of work we moved in with one another. it was a wonderful time and i still have no regrets about it. i really enjoyed small things like making this apartment our home and not just a room that we were renting. we got a cat together things seems to be going really well. We both decided to chage jobs - my boyfriend took a break from work for 3 weeks as he needed the time off due to back problems so was in no rush getting back into a routine he was more concerned about focusing on his health which i understand. I took the opportunity of working for a new restaurant with a senior title this ment that my style of hours would change. and boy did it. my normal working day would usually mean being on the property by 4pm and finishing up by 2am. i was enjoying this new challenge even though it was extremley tough. 4 weeks into my new job my boyfriend took a new job opportunity which ment he would now be working complete opposite hours to me. he would work monday to friday from 5am to 3pm - obviously a dream in hospitality but this was something that really upset me. for about 6 weeks i worked in the same routine of waking up alone and only having phone coversations with him everyday to be followed by coming home to him already asleep... and there were times i really needed sombody to talk to. after a lot of frustration and the simple decision that was i dont need to work this way, i dont have major responsibiliies, i dont have children i will choose to live a similar working life to him so we can be happy and spend time with one another. so i quit my job, the adventure i was looking for only to be taken away because of a more convient schedule for him. So i found another job- same title, less money but a more flexible schedule. it just feels like since our job changes nothing has been quiet right. we argue a lot now and everytime we argue it is the same points that i bring up myself. sometimes he feels that i am just looking for reasons to attack him, but it could not be further from the truth. my idea of an arguement is to vent your frustrations, so that in turn you can both work better to ensure it doesnt happen again. but it does.so i bring up the same points because nothing changes.Affection we rarley have sex anymore,i believe it is a lot to do with the level of affection i recieve. each day i probably get one kiss from him which is when i return from work, there is no balace in affection it is either a kiss when im home from work .. or sex.responsibilities around the housei continue to clean this place from top to bottom on my days off or when i find time to do so becuase this is our home. if that means i spend my day off doing four laundries, bleaching down the bathroom, changing bedsheets, wahsing floors etc then so be it but why is it only my job- he says he doesnt mind helping if i ask him but why should i? he as eyes he can see for himself what needs to be done. even if i did ask him it would not get done. he called me from work a few days ago and asked why i didnt make the bed before i left for work, and that i should start making the bed because he likes coming home to that .... sorry do i not have enough to do?priorities- his family live direct 3 or 4 hours from here and he has not been hone for christmas in 8 years. he will be going this year which i have no problem with. but i feel everything else is a priority over me. we decided to go away in january for a week as christmas is an extremley busy period work wise- which he promised we would, that ultimatly got pushed under the rug once he decided to go home. i was then given the opportunity to get a weekend off in work and once i suggested that we go away for it he just ignored me. but its more than pssible for him to make time if friends or family visit. in my opinion u cant promise me time with u and then never follow through.i feel like im rambling now. last night we got into an argument that ended in me sleeping on the floor - first time ever in our relationship. now im facing a decision of is this something i even want anymore. not so long ago day in and out all i would thing about is our future, getting engaging buying a property and having a child, but now its not even something that pops up in my mind. im sick of the lets try again excuse- becuase nothing changes. im feeling quiet numb at this point i just dont really know what the best decision is here.
View related questions:
a break, christmas, flatmate, money, moved in, period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (10 November 2015):
If you want to give this relationship a chance, it is going to need some very open and complete communication. You don't say that you've done this. If you have, or this doesn't work, or you don't think it is worth tryhing, then it is time to move on. There are a number of red flags here that revolve around his selfishness. Do not think you are going to change him. It doesn't work that way.
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (9 November 2015):
 It's time to use the escape tunnel. You aren't appreciated and I only see it getting worse. You have tried to talk about it but to no avail.
You don't have to clean his home or make his bed. You should only do it out of love and your gift just isn't being appreciated.
Get yourself out. You will be happier when you have your own key to your own front door. It's an empowering feeling.
...............................
|
