A
female
age
26-29,
*onelygirl123
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 18 months and I honestly thought he was the love of my life up until he started treating me differently. He was the kindest, gentlest man who would love me dearly every day. Around 6 months ago he started acting strange, not answering my phone calls, become very distant and not showing affection towards me.He has a young daughter which doesn't bother me in the slightest. His ex has now come out of the woodwork and said that if he introduces her to any woman that he won't see her again. She makes his life hell and controls everything he does. He won't announce us as a couple to anyone, he eventually told his mother and dad about us which made me happy. But no one else is allowed to know. I booked our first holiday for us for next year which he made me cancel as he's scared of his ex, we cannot go out for meals anymore because he's so worried about his ex finding out and wasting money that can be spent on her. I buy him gifts, I love him unconditionally, pick him up when he's down, take him out and treat him like a king. I'm losing the man I love to depression, he won't kiss me never mind anything else. He takes everything out on me which I don't mind because id rather it be me, it's just hard. I've offered to go to the doctors with him to get help and he refuses every time. I love spending time with him and being with him he's my absolute world, but I'm getting my heart broken everyday by staying with him. What shall I do? Please help
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depressed, his ex, money Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2015): the ex is pulling a narcissist trick, using visitation with his child as a way to control. he probably has complex pstd and Stockholm syndrome from her style of abuse. he really needs to see a professional in this area of mental abuse.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2015): if a guy isnt being affectionate and meeting your relationship needs.... ditch him and find someone who is better for you! trust me it will be better in the long run because when you do eventually meet a guy that understands you it will be one of the best feelings in the world. please dont end up being like me stuck in a rubbish relationship where my boyfriend doesnt even care about me but being to scared to leave because ive been with him so long
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 November 2015):
 I'm with Janniepeg.
This is NOT your "monkey" to fix. He should NOT be out there dating if he isn't ready mentally. While he told his parents, and that is good... He USING his ex to hide you.
So she said if he starts to date anyone there will be no more access to his child. THAT is not how it works. While she DOES have a say in who is around her/their child she CAN NOT deny him access. He might have to do the SMART thing and get a lawyer and demand visitation rights.
You can't fix him with presents or treating him like he is a fragile little puppy. The more you try and do nice things and push him to seek help, the more he will pull back and away from you.
I think, in his mind's eye, he has already decided that you two are not longer "really" dating, be just hasn't broken up with you yet.
I think if I were you, I'd set him free. This is not a healthy relationship, specially not for you. NO ONE should be kept a secret and hidden away.
He NEEDS to get help and get himself together before he will be ready and able to date ANYONE.
Sorry, I know that is not what you want to hear.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 November 2015):
 Whenever you meet single dads who's afraid of baby mama's, you can assume that he has not done child support and custody procedures yet. For what reason I don't know. Maybe he has not completely broken ties with her or he's afraid he has no money for a lawyer, or having to pay a certain amount of child support each month. What she is doing is parental alienation, and he is giving her that power by not going to the court.
There is clinical depression, and there is sadness over drama and a difficult life at the moment. There is also depression knowing that life with you is impossible, and he chooses to appease baby mama over being free to date anyone.
He should not have dragged you into this mess before straightening the situation with the child and the ex. I will tell you, guys who have their wallets strapped are the absolute sweetest. When he sounds like too good to be true, he probably is. Guys are extremely nice when they have no idea how long a relationship is going to last. So everything moment is stolen and precious. That's too keep you hooked and refusing to leave since their niceness is a compensation for the other things they can't offer you, which is total devotion and time.
I think his depression is also speaking to you that he ain't going to do a damn thing about asserting his parenting rights. Of course you can clarify that with him, and ask him why he hasn't got custody yet.
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